Lessons I've Learned, 81-90

February 12, 2020
Lessons Learned

Lesson I've Learned #81:

When I see someone with contempt for another person, I know one thing: on a deep level, they have contempt for something in themselves.

Knowing this, I (try to) use my contempt for others as a signal to recognize what I don't like about myself.

In most cases, my contempt is the thing I'm afraid to feel in myself.

For example, if I notice I have contempt for someone I perceive as weak, it's a fear of something in me that they are reminding me of.

I use this contempt for them to keep myself away from my own sadness.

Lesson I've Learned #82:

The more a truth hurts to admit to myself and share with others, the more healing I find once I do it.

Lesson I've Learned #83

‪When I post a practical lesson, it gets a lot more engagement than an emotional lesson.

Some people aren't ready to feel their emotions. I used to be that way too.

I thought I just needed more information, and then I'd be happy.

It didn't work out that way for me.‬

Lesson I've Learned #84

My best writing is invisible. The reader doesn't notice it. They only see the story I'm offering them.

If they notice the writing, they aren't paying attention to the message behind it.

Lesson I've Learned #85

Almost everything in my life used to be a distraction that I put there there to avoid painful feelings and emotions.

And it worked...until it didn't.

The only way I could deal with those painful feelings was by actually feeling them.

Lesson I've Learned #86

A surprising thing I learned as a public figure is people who dislike me never really talk about what I do.

Instead they make up something and then argue against that.

I was just an object for them to project onto. The reality of me was irrelevant.

Lesson I've Learned #87

One of the most effective ways I understand my issues is by asking "What is this problem a solution to?"

Every emotional "problem" I've ever had was actually a solution to some deeper problem I wasn't aware of.

For example: I used to have a lot of angry outbursts. They weren't very useful for me.

By asking that question, I realized I used anger to push away sadness.

The problem (anger) was actually a solution (push away sad).

Lesson I've Learned #88

I never ask, "How can I help?"

It puts the burden on the person I'm trying to help.

Instead, I offer something specific I know the person wants, or say "I'd love to help you any way I can. Just ask for what you need."

Lesson I've Learned #89

I take one pill of liposomal glutathione for every alcohol drink. It almost eliminates the negative effects of alcohol. No headache, no hangover, I sleep through the night, wake up rested.

Doesn't help much with behavioral issues from alcohol, but I don't drink that much anymore. I learned that lesson a different way, lol. (h/t Dave Asprey)

Lesson I've Learned #90

Most ignorant people have no idea they're ignorant.

I used to get so angry at this, and I'd take pains to force them to see their ignorance.

That was not useful. Breaking their worldview only made them dig in deeper on it.

Now, if I do anything, I ask a few key questions, and let them figure out the rest for themselves.

If they get it from there, then it usually sticks.

The point of sharing these lessons is to help others on their journey. If you know someone who could benefit from a lesson, please forward this blog post to them.

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Tucker Max

Tucker Max is the co-founder of Scribe Media, a company that helps you write, publish, and market your book.  

He's written four New York Times Best Sellers (three hit #1), which have sold over 4.5 million copies worldwide. He's credited with being the originator of the literary genre, “fratire,” and is only the fourth writer (including Malcolm Gladwell, Michael Lewis and Brene Brown) to ever have three books on the New York Times Nonfiction Best Seller List at one time. He was nominated to the Time Magazine 100 Most Influential List in 2009.

He received his BA from the University of Chicago in 1998, and his JD from Duke Law School in 2001. He currently lives in Austin, Texas, with his wife Veronica and three children.


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