Lessons I've Learned, 41-50

February 12, 2020
Lessons Learned

Lesson I've Learned #41:

When I want to engage people with a story, I don’t tell people what they should do.

I tell people what I did.

No one wants to be lectured or told what to do. We all want to see the inspiring and honest failures (and successes) of others.

Lesson I've Learned #42:

Every time I'm sad or depressed, if I let myself honestly examine my thoughts, it always comes down to a denial or avoidance of my emotions.

If I let myself feel what is there, the sadness goes away.

Lesson I've Learned #43:

The saying "the customer is always right" is not correct. Some customers are assholes and must be fired.

I've learned that "the customer is always right" is better stated as "the customer is doing what they’re doing for a reason."

My job is to understand the reason, and then go from there.

Lesson I've Learned #44:

I used to avoid or run from or suppress my negative emotions.

Now I see them for what they are: signposts to where to focus my attention so I can feel them, learn from them, and then let them go.

Lesson I've Learned #45:

No one reads your memoir because they want to learn about your life.

They read it because they want to learn about THEIR life.

Lesson I've Learned #46:

All political parties, religions, and similar groups require you to believe something ridiculous or patently false to belong.

Took me a long time to realize this was on purpose, not an accident: ridiculous beliefs show commitment and willingness to ignore reality in favor of group membership.

Once I got that, I couldn't stay in any of them.

Lesson I've Learned #47:

Narcissists behavior is an adaptive response to deep insecurity.

A narcissist acts that way to avoid the core wound: feeling the terrified, lonely, abandoned child they were.

Ask me how I know...lol

Lesson I've Learned #48:

The truth is almost never hard to see, if I'm willing to accept it.

But it's hard to accept when it's not what I wanted it to be...and that makes it hard for me to see.

My solution? First accept whatever is, then evaluate it as it is. Separates my emotion from my reasoning.

Lesson I've Learned #49:

I used to think forgiveness was excusing behavior that hurt me. That wasn't helpful.

I now use forgiveness to correct my misperception that the other person harmed me.

This helps me let go of pain I'm choosing to hold.

Forgiveness is for me, not for them.

Lesson I've Learned #50:

When I find myself hating someone who's done nothing to me at all, it's not about them.

I'm hating some part of myself that I cannot bear to see or admit, so I push it off of and onto them.

This is only true every...single...fucking...time.

The point of sharing these lessons is to help others on their journey. If you know someone who could benefit from a lesson, please forward this blog post to them.

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Tucker Max

Tucker Max is the co-founder of Scribe Media, a company that helps you write, publish, and market your book.  

He's written four New York Times Best Sellers (three hit #1), which have sold over 4.5 million copies worldwide. He's credited with being the originator of the literary genre, “fratire,” and is only the fourth writer (including Malcolm Gladwell, Michael Lewis and Brene Brown) to ever have three books on the New York Times Nonfiction Best Seller List at one time. He was nominated to the Time Magazine 100 Most Influential List in 2009.

He received his BA from the University of Chicago in 1998, and his JD from Duke Law School in 2001. He currently lives in Austin, Texas, with his wife Veronica and three children.

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