Lessons I've Learned, 31-40
Lesson I've Learned #31:
People say they want the truth, but only about others. For themselves, they want flattery. (h/t Carl Jung)
Note: exceptions exist, and those people are rare treasures that I value highly and keep close--because they're truly honest with me as well.
Lesson I've Learned #32:
I say “I don’t know” much more now than I used to.
It's because I have the confidence to not need to have the answer to everything.
The more opinions I had, the less confidence I had.
Took me about 38+ years to see that in myself and correct it, though I saw it in others earlier.
Lesson I've Learned #33:
Almost everything I was told about "the way life is" has been wrong. Probably 99.8%.
Everything I know about how things actually work, I learned from:
1. my mistakes
3. observing (not always asking) those few people who're effective at life.
Lesson I've Learned #34:
Everything I want to do can be done with a list of things to do, in a certain order.
Seems simple, it is, but it unlocked a lot of progress for me. (h/t @JoePolish).
Bonus lesson: NYE is worst night of the year to go out. Amateur night. I stay in & sleep.
Lesson I've Learned #35:
If I have a problem, and money to solve that problem, then I don’t have a problem.
What I might have is an unwillingness to solve a problem. Why?
Often because it's the solution to another undiscovered or unacknowledged problem.
Example: Let's say I have an anger problem, and I want to solve it. If I can afford a great therapist to help me, and I never do-why not?
Because my anger is a solution to another problem. In this case, my way of avoiding feeling sadness and grief. (h/t Dan Sullivan)
Lesson I've Learned #36:
The structure I use to tell a personal story is very simple:
1. What happened?
2. What did I feel about it?
3. What did I do (or learn) as a result?
Repeat, over and over, until resolution.
That simple structure + lots of hard honesty = millions of books sold.
Lesson I've Learned #37:
People tell (and show) me who they are.
My only job is to believe them.
I used to ignore them, because I wanted them to be who I wanted them to be.
That caused a lot of suffering (for both).
This has been (and remains) one of my hardest lessons to learn.
Lesson I've Learned #38:
When I find myself wanting to believe something, I first ask if I could be fooling myself.
It is so easy for me to believe things that I want to be true.
No one can fool me as well as I fool myself. (h/t Richard Feynman)
Lesson I've Learned #39:
To convince someone, I listen first. People usually aren't convinced until they feel heard and respected.
If I disagree, I ask them to explain how their position works. If they can explain, I learn something.
If they can’t, they're usually open to hearing a new perspective.
Note: This can backfire. If my questions reveal to someone they don't know what they're talking about, they often get angry and dig in.
Lesson I've Learned #40:
There is no such thing as attention span.
People will stay riveted until you say something that allows their mind to wander.
Relevance + constant surprise keeps people engaged; as long as the surprises resolve and makes sense. (h/t Roy H Williams)
The point of sharing these lessons is to help others on their journey. If you know someone who could benefit from a lesson, please forward this blog post to them.
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