Lessons I've Learned, 116-120

June 28, 2020
Lessons Learned

Lesson I've Learned #116:

Which pain do I want? The pain of staying the same, or the pain of growth?

Part of me believes staying the same means no pain.

That's not true. It’s just different pain in a different way, at a different time.

There's always pain in life, I simply get to choose where I feel it, and what it means.

Lesson I've Learned #117

It's easy to say I care. It's easy to proclaim my concern with the right images or rituals.

But my virtue is actually measured by what I do when nobody is looking. When I answer only to myself.

The rest is marketing.

Lesson I've Learned #118:

Anger is used to negotiate better treatment from the subject of your anger.

That truth blew me down.

When I was angry, I used to ask myself, "What expectation or need do I have that's not being met?"

Now, "Who do I want better treatment from, and why?"

Lesson I've Learned #119:

When someone guilts me, they imply that I'm responsible for their emotions.

Example: "If you cared about me, you'd stop making me feel bad."

Anyone that tries to make me responsible for their life or their emotions is toxic.

I know b/c I used to do that.

Lesson I've Learned #120:

If I sincerely want to change my family and my community, there's only ONE way to do it: I must start with myself, do my work, get healthy, and be the example.

Once they see the change in me, they may ask for help. Or do it themselves. Or they won't.

That's on them. I can't persuade them or do their work for them. That's a road full of misery.

I can only be an example.

For most of them, the ONLY chance they have to change is to SEE someone they know do it. That's how they believe.

Seeing it enables them to believe it's possible, and they deserve to have it.

I can be the example. That's it.

Nothing else creates any real change.

The point of sharing these lessons is to help others on their journey. If you know someone who could benefit from a lesson, please forward this blog post to them.

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Tucker Max

Tucker Max is the co-founder of Scribe Media, a company that helps you write, publish, and market your book.  

He's written four New York Times Best Sellers (three hit #1), which have sold over 4.5 million copies worldwide. He's credited with being the originator of the literary genre, “fratire,” and is only the fourth writer (including Malcolm Gladwell, Michael Lewis and Brene Brown) to ever have three books on the New York Times Nonfiction Best Seller List at one time. He was nominated to the Time Magazine 100 Most Influential List in 2009.

He received his BA from the University of Chicago in 1998, and his JD from Duke Law School in 2001. He currently lives in Austin, Texas, with his wife Veronica and three children.


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