Lessons I've Learned, 11-20

February 12, 2020
Lessons Learned

Lesson I've Learned #11: 

Writing a (non-fiction) book is a process that forces you to clearly understand and then explain that which you think you already know.

The writing process is also a discovery process.

I knew this already. I’d just never said it that way before. So h/t goes to me, lol.

Lesson I've Learned #12: 

Culture is the standard that your company tacitly allows to pass muster. Your culture is what you tolerate, not what you celebrate.

I have had to re-learn this lesson many many times, including today. (h/t Gary Keller).

Lesson I've Learned #13: 

The speed at which I offload the things I don’t like doing is the speed the team and business grows.

If I’m getting most of my inspiration while driving or showering, I'm allocating my time poorly and holding my company back. (H/t @AlexCharfen)

Lesson I've Learned #14: 

The best way to write about complicated emotions is with simple, direct language.

I know this and yet I have relearn it every time I sit down to write something emotionally hard.

I learned this originally from Neon Bible, by John Kennedy Toole.

Lesson I've Learned #15: 

The way to move past an emotion is to first allow yourself to fully feel it. Only then can you let it go.

Simple to understand. But hard to do.

Much of our mind, and most of our culture, is designed to distract from feeling of emotions (h/t Alice Miller)

Lesson I've Learned #16: 

A shaman asked me, “How would your perspective change if you knew for fact you’d picked your life?”

True or not, doesn’t matter.

It’s a simple way for me to reframe problems that immediately changed how I saw my life.

Every problem is now a challenge there for me to solve in order to unlock more of my life.

I move from annoyance and pessimism to excitement and optimism. “I get to” beats “I have to" especially if its in service of facing challenges that I picked.

Lesson I've Learned #17: 

When creating your brand, the law of attraction cannot exceed the law of repulsion.

You must choose who to lose.

If you do not choose who to repel, you cannot choose who to attract. [h/t Roy H Williams]

Lesson I've Learned #18: 

When my writing gets arrogant, or bloated, it means I’m covering up for not having done enough of the actual work.

I’m hiding a lack of meaning behind a lot of fancy words. (H/t Steven Kotler)

Lesson I've Learned #19: 

Giving advice doesn’t work.

I can explain what I did. Or ask a question. Or tell a story. Maybe point to the way.

People understand what they figure out themselves. Lecturing and telling what to do don’t work.

Took me 44yrs to get. (h/t Philip McKernan)

Lesson I've Learned #20: 

Self care is hard for me. I’ve found this works: for everything I do, I ask, “Would I do this with a million dollar thoroughbred I owned?”

Helps me consciously add beneficial behaviors, and most important, helps limit being too hard on myself. (H/t Joe Polish)

The point of sharing these lessons is to help others on their journey. If you know someone who could benefit from a lesson, please forward this blog post to them.

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Tucker Max

Tucker Max is the co-founder of Scribe Media, a company that helps you write, publish, and market your book.  

He's written four New York Times Best Sellers (three hit #1), which have sold over 4.5 million copies worldwide. He's credited with being the originator of the literary genre, “fratire,” and is only the fourth writer (including Malcolm Gladwell, Michael Lewis and Brene Brown) to ever have three books on the New York Times Nonfiction Best Seller List at one time. He was nominated to the Time Magazine 100 Most Influential List in 2009.

He received his BA from the University of Chicago in 1998, and his JD from Duke Law School in 2001. He currently lives in Austin, Texas, with his wife Veronica and three children.

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