This will mean that for some of you, the movie won't be getting to your city for two or three more weeks. This sucks, but please understand why we are doing it this way: It's because this is how we have to do it in order to give the movie the best chance of success given the money we have to distribute it. You can read my explanation of it here, or read what the LA Times or New York Magazine says about it.

Because Nils and I believed so much in this movie, we did a 31 city premiere tour and stood in front of 15,000 of our fans, showed them the movie, answered their questions, took pictures with them, and sometimes even got drunk with them. And the response from those fans has been overwhelmingly positive. The people who have ACTUALLY SEEN the movie love it. You can go to the movie's Facebook fan page, or my Facebook fan page, or all the YouTube videos, or any other place, and see what real people who went to premieres say about it.

Go see this movie. At the very least, you will laugh a lot and you will definitely see the most epic shit scene in movie history. And if you are like most people so far, you will love the movie, and want to go back and see it again. I have never lied to or deceived my fans, and I am not about to start now:

You have my word that "I Hope They Serve Beer In Hell" the movie will be worth the price of admission.

This the complete list of opening weekend theaters (clicking on the link will take you to the page where you can buy tickets):

Crossgates Cinemas 18
Albany, NY
120 Washington Ave. Exit Crossgate Mall (lower level) Albany, NY 12203

Walden Galleria Stadium 16
Cheektowaga, NY
1 Walden Galleria Drive Cheektowaga, NY 14225

AMC Empire 25 Theaters
New York, NY
234 West 42nd Street New York, NY 10036

Union Square Stadium 14
New York, NY
850 Broadway New York, NY 10003

Criterion Cinemas 7
New Haven, CT
86 Temple Street New Haven, CT 06510

Harvard Square 1-5
Cambridge, MA
10 Church Street Cambridge, MA 02138

Providence Place 16
Providence, RI
Providence Place Mall Providence, RI 02903

Plymouth Meeting 12
Plymouth Meeting, PA
Plymouth Meeting Mall 500 Germantown Pike Plymouth Meeting, PA 19462-1310

Saucon Valley Cinemas 10
Bethlehem, PA
3696 Route 378 Bethlehem, PA 18015

Riverview Plaza 17
Philadelphia, PA 1400
S. Delaware Ave. Philadelphia, PA 19147

Waterfront 22
West Homestead, PA
300 West Waterfront Drive West Homestead, PA 15120

Premiere College 9 Cinemas
State College, PA
3031 Carnegie Drive State College, PA 16803

Union Station 9
Washington, DC
50 Massachusetts Avenue NE Washington, DC 20002-4214

Royale 14
Hyattsville, MD
6505 American Blvd Hyattsville, MD 20782

Carmike Six
Charlottesville, VA
1803 Seminole Trail, Charlottesville, VA 22901-1129

New River Valley Stadium 14
Christiansburg, VA
110 New River Road Christiansburg, VA 24073

Harrisonburg 14
Harrisonburg, VA
381 University Blvd. Harrisonburg, VA 22801

Portage 16
Portage, IN
6550 US Highway 6
Portage, IN 46368

600 North Michigan Ave.
Chicago, IL
600 North Michigan Ave. Chicago, IL 60611

The Country Club Hills 16
Country Club Hills, IL
4201 W 167th Street Country Club Hills, IL 60478

Crestwood Theatre 18
Crestwood, IL
13221 Rivercrest Drive Crestwood, IL 60445

Quarry Cinemas 14
Hodgkins, IL
9201 63rd Street Hodgkins, IL 60525

Yorktown 17
Lombard, IL
80 Yorktown Shopping Center Lombard, IL 60148

AMC Randhurst 16
Mt. Prospect, IL
101 East Euclid Avenue Mt. Prospect, IL 60055

AMC Loews at Woodfield 20
Schaumburg, IL
601 N. Martingale Rd. Suite 105 Schaumburg, IL 60173

AMC South Barrington 30
South Barrington, IL
175 Studio Drive South Barrington, IL 60010

Cantera 30
Warrenville, IL
28250 Diehl Road Warrenville, IL 60555

AMC Loews Woodridge 18
Woodridge, IL
10000 Woodward Ave. Woodridge, IL 60517

Beverly Cinemas 18
Champaign, IL
910 Meijer Dr. Champaign, IL 61821

Century Evanston 12
Evanston, IL
1715 Maple Avenue Evanston, IL 60201

Randall 16
Batavia, IL
550 N. Randall Road Batavia, IL 60510

Savoy 16
Savoy, IL
232 W. Burwash Savoy, IL 61874

Cinema 12 Theatre
Carpentersville, IL
100 Besinger Drive Carpentersville, IL 60110

Charlestown 18
St. Charles, IL
3740 East Main Street St. Charles, IL 60174

Showplace 12
Bolingbrook, IL
1221 W. Boughton Road Bolingbrook, IL 60440-1509

Webster Place 11
Chicago, IL
1471 W. Webster Ave. Chicago, IL 60614

Lake in the Hills 12
Lake in the Hills, IL
311 N. Randall Road Lake in the Hills, IL 60102-7067

Showplace 16
Naperville, IL
2815 Showplace Drive Naperville, IL 60564

Showplace 14
New Lenox, IL
1320 W. Maple St. New Lenox, IL 60451

Village Crossing 18
Skokie, IL
7018 Carpenter Road Skokie, IL 60077

Rivertree Court Theatre
Vernon Hills, IL
701 N. Milwaukee #244 Vernon Hills, IL 60061

Showplace 16
Schererville, IN
875 Deercreek Drive Schererville, IN 46375

Addison Cinemas 21
Addison, IL
1555 West Lake Street Addison, IL 60101

Gurnee Mills 20
Gurnee, IL
6144 Grand Avenue Gurnee, IL 60031

Orland Park Cinemas 14
Orland Park, IL
16350 S. LaGrange Rd. Orland Park, IL 60467

Rosemont 18
Rosemont, IL
9701 Bryn Mawr Ave. Rosemont, IL 60018

Showplace 16
Crystal Lake, IL
5000 W. Route 14 Crystal Lake, IL 60014

Lincolnshire 20
Lincolnshire, IL
300 Parkway Drive Lincolnshire, IL 60069

Round Lake Beach 18
Round Lake Beach, IL
550 East Rollins Road Round Lake Beach, IL 60073

University Place 8
Carbondale, IL
1370 E. Main Street Carbondale, IL 62902

AMC Lennox Town Center 24
Columbus, OH
777 Kinnear Road Columbus, OH 43212

Easton Towne Center 30
Columbus, OH
275 Easton Towne Center Columbus, OH 43219

Baxter Avenue 8
Louisville, KY
1250 Baxter Ave Mid City Mall Louisville, KY 40204

Cinemark 16
Lexington, KY
3800 Mall Rd. Lexington, KY 40503

Athena Grand 11
Athens, OH
1008 East State Street Athens, OH 45701

Gateway 8
Columbus, OH
1550 N. High St. Columbus, OH 43201

Sycamore 12
Iowa City, IA
1602 Sycamore St. Iowa City, IA 52240

Grand Cinema 14
Lincoln, NE
1101 "P" Street Lincoln, NE 68508

Quality 16
Ann Arbor, MI
3686 Jackson Road Ann Arbor, MI 48103

Celebration Cinema 19
Lansing, MI
200 East Edgewood Boulevard Lansing, MI 48911

Showcase Cinemas Ann Arbor 20
Ypsilanti, MI
4100 Carpenter Rd. Ypsilanti, MI 48197-9648

NCG Eastwood Cinema 18
Lansing, MI
2500 Showtime Drive Lansing, MI 48912

Eastside 10
Lafayette, IN
300 N. Farabee Drive Lafayette, IN 47905

Showplace East 11
Bloomington, IN
1351 College Mall Road Bloomington, IN 47408

Southwind 12
Lawrence, KS
3433 Iowa Street Lawrence, KS 66046

Ronnie's 20
St. Louis, MO
5320 South Lindbergh Blvd. St. Louis, MO 63126

Hollywood Stadium 14
Columbia, MO
Stadium & Highway 63 Columbia, MO 65201

Mayfair Mall 18
Wauwatosa, WI
2500 North Mayfair Road Wauwatosa, WI 53226

Kerasotes Star 18 and IMAX
Fitchburg, WI
6091 McKee Road Fitchburg, WI 53719

Marcus Point Cinemas 16
Madison, WI
7825 Big Sky Drive Madison, WI 53719

Crown Theatre 15 at Block E
Minneapolis, MN
600 Hennepin Avenue South Minneapolis, MN 55402

Hollywood 16 Cinemas
Tuscaloosa, AL
4250 Old Greensboro Rd. Tuscaloosa, AL 35405

Wynnsong 16
Auburn, AL
2111 E. University Ave. Auburn, AL 36830-3334

Wynnsong 16
Albany, GA
2823 Nottingham Road Albany, GA 31707-1284

Mansell Crossing 14 Theatres
Alpharetta, GA
7730 North Point Parkway, Alpharetta, GA 30022

Carmike 12
Athens, GA
1570 Lexington Rd., Athens, GA 30605-2325

Atlantic Station Stadium 16
Atlanta, GA
371 17th Street NW Atlanta, GA 30363

Hollywood 24@ N. I-85
Chamblee, GA
3265 N.E. Expressway Access Chamblee, GA 30341

Pinnacle Stadium 18
Knoxville, TN
11240 Parkside Drive Knoxville, TN 37922

Green Hills 16
Nashville, TN
3815 Greenhills Village Drive, Nashville, TN 37215

Raleigh Grand 16
Raleigh, NC
4840 Grove Barton Road, Raleigh, NC 27613

Southpoint Cinemas 16
Durham, NC
8030 Renaissance Parkway Durham, NC 27713

Stonecrest @ Piper Glen 22
Charlotte, NC
7824 Rea Road Charlotte, NC 28277

Columbiana Grande 14
Columbia, SC
1250 Bower Parkway Columbia, SC 29210

AMC Parks @ Arlington 18
Arlington, TX
3861 South Cooper Street Arlington, TX 76015

Studio 30 Theatres - Houston
Houston, TX
2949 Dunvale Houston, TX 77063

Greenway Grand Palace Stadium 24 Cinemas
Houston, TX
3839 Weslayan Street Houston, TX 77046

Tinseltown 17 - Austin
Austin, TX
5501 S. IH 35 Austin, TX 78744

Dobie Theatre
Austin, TX
2025 Guadalupe Street #268 Austin, TX 78705

Gateway 16
Austin, TX 9700
Stonelake Blvd. Austin, TX 78759

Keystone Park Theatre 16
Dallas, TX
13933 N. Central Expwy Dallas, TX 75243

AMC Universal Cineplex 20
Orlando, FL
6000 Universal Blvd. Orlando, FL 32819

Sunset Place 24 Theatres
South Miami, FL
5701 Sunset Drive, Suite 300 South Miami, FL 33143

Cobb Dolphin Cinema 19
Miami, FL
Dolphin Mall 11471 NW 12th Street Miami, FL 33172

South Beach 18
Miami Beach, FL
1120 Lincoln Road Miami Beach, FL 33139

AMC Tallahassee Mall 20
Tallahassee, FL
2415 North Monroe Street Tallahassee, FL 32303

Veterans Expressway 24
Tampa, FL
9302 Anderson Road Tampa, FL 33634

Gainesville Cinema 14
Gainesville, FL
Butler Plaza 3101 SW 35th Blvd. Gainesville, FL 32608

Waterford Lakes 20
Orlando, FL
541 North Alafaya Trail Orlando, FL 32828

Rave Motion Pictures Baton Rouge 16
Baton Rouge, LA
16040 Hatters Ave., Baton Rouge, LA 70816

Mall of Louisiana 15
Baton Rouge, LA
9168 T Picardy Ave Baton Rouge, LA 70836

Carmike 10
Stillwater, OK
1909 N. Perkins Rd. Stillwater, OK 74075-2976

Spotlight 14
Norman, OK
1100 North Interstate Drive Norman, OK 73072

Century 16
Boulder, CO
1700 26th St. Boulder, CO 80302

La Jolla 12
La Jolla, CA
8657 Villa La Jolla Drive, La Jolla, CA 92037

Mission Valley 20
San Diego, CA
1640 Camino del Rio North San Diego, CA 92108

Horton Plaza 14
San Diego, CA
475 Horton Plaza San Diego, CA 92101

Broadway Cinemas 4
Santa Monica, CA
1441 3rd St. Promenade Santa Monica, CA 90401

Burbank 16
Burbank, CA
125 Palm Avenue Burbank, CA 91502

Irvine Spectrum 21 Megaplex Cinemas
Irvine, CA
65 Fortune Drive Irvine, CA 92618

Mann Chinese 6
Hollywood, CA
6801 Hollywood Blvd. Suite 335 Hollywood, CA 90028

Fiesta 5
Santa Barbara, CA
916 State St. Santa Barbara, CA 93101

Sony Theatres Metreon 15
San Francisco, CA
101 Fourth Street Yerba Buena Gardens San Francisco, CA 94103

Shattuck Cinemas 10
Berkeley, CA
2230 Shattuck Avenue Berkeley, CA 94704

Century El Con 20 Theatre
Tucson, AZ
3601 East Broadway Tucson, AZ 85716

Tempe Marketplace 16
Tempe, AZ
2000 E. Rio Salado Parkway Tempe, AZ 85281

Valley River Center Stadium 15
Eugene, OR
500 Valley River Center, Eugene, OR 97401

Bridgeport Village Stadium 18
Tigard, OR
7329 SW Bridgeport Road, Tigard, OR 97224

Alderwood 16
Lynnwood, WA
18601 33rd Avenue West Lynnwood, WA 98037

Metro Cinemas
Seattle, WA
4500 9th Avenue NE Seattle, WA 98105

Meridian 16
Seattle, WA
1501 7th Avenue Seattle, WA 98101

The theaters below also have Thursday Midnight showings:

Harkins Tempe Marketplace
Tempe, AZ

AMC Theaters Sunset Place
Miami, FL

Carolina Cinemas - Raleigh Grand
Raleigh, NC

NCG Eastwood Cinemas
Lansing, MI

AMC Loews Theatres at Streets of Woodfield
Schaumburg, IL

-Chicago for opening weekend: We have the most theaters in the Chicagoland area the first weekend because that it is our expansion test area. And yes, Nils and I will be in Chicago for opening weekend, and Friday night we will be at Faith and Whiskey, Saturday, we'll be at McFaddens. Details tomorrow.

-Canadian Release: Our Canadian distributor has decided to do the Canadian release in two weeks. I think this is stupid, but like I have explained 100 times, we have no control over foreign distribution. In ANY country.

-Other foreign release: Again, we have no control over foreign release at all. None. They can go day and date, they can wait a year, they can just send it straight to DVD, they can do anything they want. That is the way foreign release work, and asking me about when they are coming out is pointless. I don't know and it's not up to me. If you live outside the US and are desperate to see the movie and can't find the release date in your country, then just pirate the movie and watch it online. I am serious. I have no issue with that.

-Extra tickets: I keep getting emails about tickets for sold out shows, and I keep telling people the same thing:

"At every show we held back a few tickets for press, and sometimes some of those go unused. Also, at every premiere there are a few no-shows, people who buy tickets but don't make it. Because of this, if you don't have tickets but want to come to the premiere, then get to the theater at like 530 or 6, put your name on the wait list, and most of the time you will get in. In fact, less than half the premieres so far have been standing room only. Most end up with at least two or three seats unused, so stop by and chances are you'll get in."

-Opening Weekend in Chicago: The movie opens on September 25th, and that day, me, Nils and a few other people will be in Chicago. The final premiere is September 24th in San Francisco, we are taking the red eye out that night and I am doing some morning TV and radio press in Chicago that morning, then we are going to a couple showings during the day, and that Friday night we will be hosting a party at a bar. Should be cool, details forthcoming.

-Where the movie is opening: The list of cities we are opening in and the links to buy tickets for opening weekend are coming soon. I will post as soon as possible.

-Merchandise: I never really officially announced this, but since people keep asking, I will talk about it: We are selling the merch we give away at the screenings on the website. We have some pretty cool shirts and what not, but my favorite is the beer pong kit. It's a pitcher, 25 black cups, and 2 ping pong balls, all with I Hope They Serve Beer In Hell on them. People are loving them.

-Free Beer Pong Kits: Speaking of beer pong kits, since people are loving these so much, we've decided to give 1000 of them away as a promotional tool. To get one, it's very simple: Take a picture of you and your friends with a copy of my book in front of whatever place it is you plan to use the beer pong kit; your fraternity, your sorority, your Army barracks, your backyard, your favorite bar, basically anywhere you can play beer pong. Then post that picture on someone's Facebook account, and add it to the I Hope They Serve Beer In Hell Facebook Fanpage. Once you do that, you will get messaged by my assistant, Ian Claudius, asking for your address. Give it to him, and the beer pong kit will arrive in 1-3 weeks. Pretty simple, but we only have 1000 to give away. Once they are gone, that's it.

-Recap of the tour: Here is a recap of every write-up of mine and video from each of the 16 first stops. I just went through and looked at all of this again, and I gotta say: There is some really funny shit in here. If you haven't looked at this stuff yet, at the very least, check out the recaps and videos with an asterisk** on them, they are the best ones:

Premiere #16: Toronto [Tucker's recap] [Video recap]

Premiere #15: New York City [Tucker's recap] [Video recap**]

Premiere #14: Boston [Tucker's recap**] [Video recap]

Premiere #13: Philadelphia [Tucker's recap] [Video recap]

Premiere #12: State College [Tucker's recap**] [Video recap]

Premiere #11: College Park [Tucker's recap] [Video recap]

Premiere #10: Washington DC [Tucker's recap] [Video recap]

Premiere #9: Blacksburg [Tucker's recap] [Video recap]

Premiere #8: Raleigh [Tucker's recap] [Video recap**]

Special Bonus: The SeX-ray Video***

Premiere #7: Columbia [Tucker's recap] [Video recap]

Special Bonus: Tucker and Nils Q&A, part 2

Premiere #6: Gainesville [Tucker's recap**] [Video recap]

Premiere #5: Tallahassee [Tucker's recap] [Video recap**]

Special Bonus: Tucker and Nils Q&A, part 1

Premiere #4: Athens [Tucker's recap**] [Video recap**]

Premiere #3: Atlanta [Tucker's recap] [Video recap]

Premiere #2: Seattle [Tucker's recap] [Video recap]

We are also doing a Premiere Tour leading up to the September 25th release of the movie. You can buy tickets here. What the Premiere Tour is:

Instead of just doing one boring premiere in LA like every movie does, we are going to do 31 premieres, in 31 different cities all around the country, one each day leading up to the opening weekend. The local Premiere's won't just be the screening and that's it--we are going to have cool swag bags included in the price of the ticket, Nils and I will be at EVERY stop and do a Q&A after each show, and we will stick around and sign anything you want and take pictures, and we'll even have after parties in some cities--it'll be just like a real premiere, except there will be 31 of them (and no lame ass red carpet). Here is the list of dates and cities:

Aug 11--Portland, OR
Aug 12--Seattle, WA

Aug 19--Atlanta, GA
Aug 20--Athens, GA
Aug 21-[Off day]
Aug 22--Knoxville, TN
Aug 23--Tallahassee, FL
Aug 24--Gainesville, FL
Aug 25--Columbia, SC
Aug 26--Raleigh/Durham
Aug 27--Blacksburg, VA
Aug 28--Washington DC/Northern Virginia
Aug 29--[Off Day]
Aug 30--College Park, MD
Aug 31--State College, PA
Sep 1--Philadelphia, PA
Sep 2--Boston, MA
Sep 3--NYC
Sep 4--Toronto, CA

Sep 5,6,7--Labor Day Break

Sep 8--East Lansing, MI
Sep 9--Columbus, OH
Sep 10--Lexington, KY
Sep 11--Bloomington, IN
Sep 12--Chicago, IL
Sep 13--Madison, WI
Sep 14--Minneapolis, MN
Sep 15--Iowa City, IA
Sep 16--Lawrence, KS
Sep 17--Norman, OK
Sep 18--Austin, TX
Sep 19--[Off Day]
Sep 20--Tempe, AZ
Sep 21--Los Angeles, CA
Sep 22--[Press Day in LA]
Sep 23--San Diego, CA
Sep 24--San Francisco, CA
Sep 25--Nationwide release

Buy premiere tour tickets here

No one has been waiting for this longer than me:

The movie I Hope They Serve Beer In Hell opens for wide release on September 25th, 2009.

Put it on your calender, write it down in pen, that is our opening date. It's not going to change.

Now to the obvious questions:

-How does this affect The IHTSBIH Premiere Tour?
Since lots of schools start in mid-August, we are going to start the tour in late August and run it all the way up to the release, and maybe even a week or two past the release. We are figuring where we are stopping and when right now, and will post that info ASAP.

-How many theaters/screens?
No idea. We may do a slow roll out, and hit the 50 major markets first before going super wide. We may just go straight wide. This will be figured out in the next few weeks, but if you live near a big city or college town, you should be covered fine from the get go.

-When does the marketing start?
You mean aside from the marketing I've been doing for over a year on this blog and other places? Well, you will see a media push start about a month out, and the big media dump about ten days out from release. Commercials, print ads, billboards, all that shit starts light in August, and gets heavier as we get closer to September 25th.

-When is the trailer coming out?
Start to ask about it again on July 4th--if it's not out by then, we missed our internal deadline to have it done. Hopefully this will be the first deadline we hit on time.

I am so fucking excited. Goddamn I have waited for this moment--locking down a release date is so fucking important in so many ways. I've been like a thoroughbred in the starting gate, chomping at my bit and anxious to go, and the gates just opened.

119 days to the finish line.

Awesome.

Comment and discuss

I did a speech at Ohio State on Monday, and it was bedlam. The auditorium was completely packed with fans--that's normal--but for the first time ever, I had real protesters. And not just a few, like almost 100, and they went fucking nuts. It was AWESOME!

But this was bigger than just having people pissed at me and getting attention. I get that shit on the internet and in the media all the time. This was one of the coolest things that has ever happened to me, because for the first time, I crossed over from cult figure to celebrity. You can tell in the video that I am kinda astonished at the beginning--on stage, watching that insanity play out, it dawned on me that my life had permanently changed. There were so many people there--both fans and protesters--the cops had to escort me out the back because they were afraid a riot would start. That's insane. This is the type of shit that only happens to famous people. Someone else said it best:

"Feminazis holding signs? Angry hipster-emo dudes wearing granny-glasses at an anti-Tucker rally? Police escorts? Max is now an official rockstar. God help us all."

The media:

-Video of the beginning of the speech where the protesters keep interrupting me and I mock them

-Video of the protesters before the speech, after the speech outside the auditorium, and later out on the street

-If you can watch this video and not bust out laughing the moment you see the woman protesting me, you are a better person than I.

-A news story about the protest complete with awesome picture

-Another piece about the speech, that outlines what I said.

-Some video of the protesters that someone else took

-The video of the content of my actual speech, Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, Part 4, and the Q&A part 1 and part 2.

-Scan of the handout given to people coming into the speech

-A longer piece that outlines the background issues in this controversy


What's really fucked up for my fans was that I had cleared it with the OSU administration and I was going to do a secret screening of the movie instead of this speech. I was going to essentially premiere the movie for this audience. But because of the protests and other bullshit, the administration balked and asked me to just do the speech instead.

Man, this movie is going to get so much fucking attention. I am so excited.

EDIT: Apparently, some people are having problems hearing the audio for the speech. We added captions in as many places as we could, but a lot of the crowd noise, we just can't hear what the protestors are saying. Here is the full text of my speech, if you just want to read it and not watch the videos:

The Ohio State Speech

If you're here today, I assume you know who I am and what I do. But for that ONE asshole in the crowd who got dragged along with his friends doesn't know who I am, I'll give a brief intro:

My name is Tucker Max and I wrote a book called I Hope They Serve Beer In Hell. It details a series of short stories I wrote about drinking and fucking and being a typical guy in his mid-twenties. It's sold over 800k copies and spent over 105 weeks on the New York Times Best Seller List (for the Comm majors: that's more than two years). It's #4 this week, actually. The Times also credited me with starting a new literary genre called "Fratire." The followup book was sold for what was then record setting advance. The Washington Post said it was the only book that every college student has read. It has become so popular I was just nominated to Time Magazine's 100 Most Influential People of 2009. I also just finished shooting a movie based on the book which will come out this fall, probably September or October.

That's the story you know, the Tucker Max the public sees. And based off that, if I give a speech, you probably expect me to tell funny stories like the ones in the book, because that's what Tucker Max does, right?

Well, yeah, actually it is. I mean, shit man, I've fucked a midget, and amputee and a set of twins, raise your hand if you've ever done that! There's no question that when I am out drinking with my friends and have fun, that's me, and that's who I am, and those stories are what are in the book.

BUT---That's not what this speech is about.

You can read all about my adventures on your own time. This speech is about the book, but instead of being about the stories, it's about the lesson I think you should take from I Hope They Serve Beer In Hell.

Now, if you just superficially read the book, probably all you focus on is the drinking and fucking and poop jokes, and while those are there, they are only the first level of meaning. There's more to the book than that. Below all of that is my answer to the fundamental question--What are you going to with your life? Ultimately, THAT is what I Hope They Serve Beer In Hell is about:

It's about living the life that you want to live, not the life others push onto you. It's about being the person you want to be, not the person other people want you to be, and it's about enoying the time you have. I convey this message not by preaching it to you, but by showing you how I do it.

I know what you may be thinking, and I actually kinda agree with you: This is not obvious in my reading. All I read was some guy throwing a girls clothes out the window b/c she was so fat he didn't want his friends to see her. And that's true, that's all there, but there's more to the book than that.

So what I'm going to do is give you some back story to my life and explain the path that led me to write this book, because to understand where I came from is to understand the message of the book:

As a kid, I had an early knack for humor and writing. There was one elementary school teacher in particular who identified it and tried to foster it in me. I also had another teacher in high school who kinda helped me see that I had a talent for writing and told me to pursue it, but I grew up in Kentucky. No one growing up in Kentucky writes or does entertainment for a living. Everyone else around me pushed me to a different path.

Growing up, the expectations around me where that I would be a doctor or a lawyer or a businessman or something that is a typical and easy to understand success like that. So I listened to the people around me and went to hardest academic school I could find to best prepare me for a conventional job: The University of Chicago.

But a funny thing happened as I studied to get that conventional job: I kept writing on my own time. Never because I thought it would go anywhere, but because I loved it.

My freshman year, I started a quote list because one day after I said something really funny at the dinner table, I thought "someone should write that down," so I did it. I started to think about things I said, and began to try to deliver the best line I could in any situation, so I could have something funny to put on my list.

I also wrote a column for the schools newspaper, The Maroon. The thing I hated about the school newspaper is that if someone wants to read about serious world affairs, they'll read what the NY Times or the Wall Street Journal says--no one gives a shit about what some idiot 19 year old has to say about world affairs--shut the fuck up.

So instead of being one of those pompous hard-ons, I looked around at the world I lived in and I wrote about that world, calling out specific people and organizations at my school, really not much different than how I write now, just a different subject matter.

Well, the thing blew up. My column became the most read feature the Maroon had produced in as long as anyone could remember. I was a mini-celeb on campus, always causing controversy and getting attention, and even though I graduated top 10% of my class and with highest honors, that column and my quote list are still the things I am most proud of from college.

It came time to figure out what I was going to do after college, for a second I thought about the entertainment business, or something with writing--after all, there was proof I had talent. But this time it took my parents and the other people around me even less time to convince me to not do that, because by then I had really bought into the system, and I let them convince me that to be a writer you had to take writing classes and that being a writer was not an acceptable way to succeed.

So I pushed the thought of writing completely out of my head, and I took their advice and I went to Duke Law School. I even got an academic scholarship to go there.

Well, I hated law school. Not because it was hard, but because it was so easy and boring and pointless. Don't ever let anyone tell you its hard. It's not. The only hard part is getting in. I stopped going to class first semester, stopped buying books second semester, and lived in Cancun for six weeks once during my second year.

But, despite the fact that I couldn't stand the actual school, I really liked my time there because of my friends. I finally had friends who were not only as smart as me, they partied harder than me, and were funnier than me. If you've read my stories, you know them by their nicknames; SlingBlade, PWJ, Jojo, GoldenBoy, Hate, etc.

Amazing friends, no real responsibilities, and lots of alcohol and women around. A lot of the stories from my book are from this time in my life, because I was living a life that l loved--doing things I enjoyed and being with people I liked, and it showed.

Maybe because of this, because I wasn't doing anything besides being the person I'd always wanted to be, writing came back to me with a strength it hadn't in a long time.

During finals second year, SlingBlade and I were punch drunk in the library after being up all night procrastinating instead of studying, and on a whim I made up a website where girls could fill out an application to date me.

Even though it started a joke, I found myself devoting all my time to it. In one month, I put more work into that crappy little site than I did in all my actual studies over all three years of law school.

Here's the real kicker: Because I thought it didn't matter, because I was totally unencumbered by any expectations--because I was free to fail--I let loose on that thing, and my creative energy came forth in way it hadn't since I was a child. It turned out to be truly, genuinely fucking funny.

Yet despite all this work, despite how happy I was working on site, it never occurred to me that this was a sign of something. I was so blind that a few months later, when we went to our summer jobs in cities all across the country, I took the site down and basically forgot about it. The thing that had brought out the best in me, I ignored. I was completely blind to myself.

But I did keep up with my writing by sending hilarious emails to my friends about all the dumb shit I would do when I was out drinking. If you've read my book, you read one of those emails I sent to my friends. It's in the Charity Auction Debacle Story, the one where I talk about the senior female partner who propositioned me and I turned her down--pretty much the only sex I've ever turned down in my life. You know what comes next...

I was fired from the summer associate job.

What was supposed to basically be an extended summer vacation, essentially a no-show job that you can't get fired from...I got fired from.

Three weeks into my legal career, it was over.

Looking back on it now, it was the best thing that ever happened to me. If they hadn't fired me, I don't think I ever would have had the courage to quit being a lawyer, to give up that six figure job and pursue my dreams on my own. But at the time, I was completely devastated. My world was crushed.

Thankfully I did have a back-up plan: I could go work for my father. Since I had trained my whole life for either law or business, if I can't do law, I'll just do business, right? My dad owns a successful restaurant company in South Florida, and I had a great idea for how to expand the concept and take it national, so let's do that.

At first, the challenge of the business and the thrill of something new invigorated me. My dad has a great restaurant concept and we had a fantastic plan to expand it, but there was so much wrong with the way it was run, I had all kinds of problems to solve first.

The biggest were the employees. I wanted to fire most of the people who worked for my dad because they were either incompetent suck-ups or brazen thieves. I thought that because I was right and my name was on the door, my dad would back me. I was still young enough to think that being right was what mattered. You guys are probably still young enough to think that, but you'll learn your lesson. Long story short, the employees were better at office politics than I was, and my dad ended up backing them.

I got fired. By my own father. From the FAMILY BUSINESS.

Seriously, go to Mizner Park in Boca Raton, Florida. There is a restaurant called Max's Grill. My dad is in there 5 nights a week, you can ask him about it. Now that I'm such a success, he may hem and haw and make excuses, but make no mistake about it:

My own father fired me.

So there I was. 26 years old. Alone. Living in shitty Boca Raton, Florida. Fucking girls I couldn't stand, like Miss Vermont. Fired from the entire legal profession. Fired from the family business by my own father. I had failed miserably at the only two things I had trained for in my life. Kicked out of the system I had bought into.

The funny thing is, I was still writing, and not having a job let me read a lot and work on my writing, but I was so brainwashed, it STILL didn't occur to me that I could just be who I wanted to be and write full time.

It was actually in this period that I wrote the Sushi Pants Story--it ends with me drunk, and I drive to my office and type that story to email to my friends. Whats really funny is that the format I use, the time stamp format, people have lauded me as being a genius for inventing that, but thats bullshit. You know why I wrote it like that? Because I was too drunk to write in complete sentences!

Then, with my world as bleak as it had ever been, three things happened right in a row:

First, I read a book called AHBWOSG by Dave Eggers. At the time it was hailed as a comedic masterpiece, and Eggers was seen as the next big thing in literature. I read the book and thought, "What the fuck? I can do better than this." But instead of manning up and attempting to actually write a better book, I did what all envious people who abandon their dreams do when they see someone succeed where they are afriad of trying: I hated on him.

Then, my buddy PWJ called me one day, and had a long talk with me. He told me that the site was amazing, and that my stories are the funniest thing he'd ever read. That I could be a writer.

Hearing this from someone else, especially from a guy who I respected, meant something to me. Tucker Max as writer.

I wanted it, I considered it, but I still couldn't make the leap. I was still having trouble wrapping my head around the idea of taking the path less traveled. I had bought into the system so fully, and abandoned my passion for so long, I no longer believed in it or in myself. It just didn't seem realistic that I could do it.

Then I read Fight Club. If there is any one singular event that I can point to that set me on the course to who and what I am today, it is reading Fight Club. It woke something primal and fundamental in me.

I had seen the movie when I was in college, but until you have gone out into the world and worked a shitty job and thought to yourself, "Is this it? Is this why I went to school? For this?", you can't understand it. But once I read the book after the real world kicked me in the teeth, it clicked. It gave voice to something inside me I had not been able to elucidate before:

I had been sold a lie. Life was not about going to the right schools and getting the right jobs just so I work a job I hate in order to accumulate more crap I don't want or need. That's not how life was meant to be lived. There is another way. I can be the man I want to be, I can do the things I want to do and I can live the life I want to live...I just have to stop believing the lies I have been sold, and stop caring what all those people think who don't matter, and find the courage to go out and do it.

The only thing stopping me...is ultimately me.

One month later, I went to a wedding in Chicago. I stayed with a buddy of mine who had just bought a two bedroom condo, and one of the bedrooms empty. I made a joke about wishing I lived with him, he replied "Sure, you can live here, why not?"

I never went back to Florida. The funniest part is that he was totally not serious about the offer--who the fuck would want to live with me? Disaster--empty beer cans, emotionally broken, funny walking sluts trapsing through the apartment at all hours, strange odors coming from unknown places--who wants to live with that? I don't even want to live with myself.

On the morning of August 4th, 2002, I sat down at a blank computer screen and started working. It wasn't even my computer--I had to get my roommate to let me borrow his. I had no money, nothing of value to my name, and no real plan at all. But I wanted to fucking write, so I just started writing.

A month later, on September 9th, 2002, the site went live. I was 26 years old, and for the first time in my life, I was being the man I wanted to be and living the life I wanted to live. I didn't know how I was going to do it...but, I was going to either find a way, or make one.

The rest is pretty much history. I put up the site, then the book, then the movie, and now I am "Tucker Max."

So--what the fuck does this have to do with the book? Well, the book is about this journey. It is a written record of me living my life the way I want to live it.

Yes, I write about having sex, and about getting drunk, and about busting on people and about being an asshole sometimes, and about all that shit. All of that surface stuff that people focus on so much is all there, but it's not really the soul of the book.

Here's the best way to understand that: Go read all the copycat blogs and books out there. There are so many people who have tried to imitate me, and every single one has failed miserably. Why? Because they think the stories are only about drinking or fucking or acting stupid, and since they think they do the same things I do, they can write about it the same way. But they can't, because the stories are not about all that shit--they're about one man's expression of love for his life.

The specific things I do are just my individual way of expressing myself, but the book is ultimately about having fun, defining your own life, and ultimately, being the person you want to be, and THAT is what you should take from it, because THAT is what I Hope They Serve Beer In Hell is about.

Now look: I am not going to stand here and lie to you and tell you that I was thinking about all of this when I started writing the emails to my friends that became the stories in the book. That's not only fucking ridiculous, it's patently false. The stories in the book started as nothing more than what they are: My attempt to write something that would entertain me and my friends.

But that's the point--I wasn't trying to be anything or do anything aside from the simple things that made me happy, and writing those stories made me happy. I was never trying to invent a new genre or write a massive best seller or create a huge brand or get named one of the most influential people in America.

But guess what? A funny thing happens when you cast off all the bullshit everyone dumps on you, and just live for yourself and follow your dreams: What it takes to get you there shows up in the finished product. When you love what you do, it shows, and people respond.

Now, before I finish, I want to call some of you out. I can tell some of you are getting this, and that's awesome, I hope this does resonate with you and start you on the right path.

But I know, I FUCKING KNOW, that some of you are sitting there, all skeptical, thinking to yourself "Whatever, this is just some bullshit inspirational speech he is making because he's getting paid. I am different; this doesn't apply to me."

SHUT THE FUCK UP.

I am not some old fart blathering on about pie in the sky bullshit. You and I are almost the same. Ten years ago, I sat exactly where you are sitting, did the same shit you are doing now, and since that time, I have drank more beer, banged more girls and kicked more ass than all of you chewed bubble gum lackwit pussies put together! So don't fucking try and say this shit doesn't apply to you--that's exactly why you love my writing, because you CAN relate to it.

I started where you are now, and I AM who you could be, if you have to courage.

Shit, I DID HEAR THIS SPEECH at 21 from some dope-smoking peacenik, and I told that fucking hippy minstrel to go back to his weed smoking and hating the World Bank and leave the real work to us. AND I WAS FUCKING WRONG. It took me another five years just to realize I wasn't living the life I wanted.

And don't you fucking dare get up in the Q&A and say some stupid shit like, "Yeah, that's all well and good, but you didn't tell me HOW I am supposed to live my life for myself."

Man, fuck you too. You think I had a map to get to where I am? I had no fucking idea--I was winging it the whole time. Shit, I had to INVENT A NEW LITERARY GENRE!! There are no directions to life; you have to figure most of it out on your own. You want to live a life you love, you can't do it in a paint by numbers style--you make it either because you want to free your soul or you don't.

Make no mistake about it: What you do with your with your life is A CHOICE. You can be who you want to be, you just have to have the courage to go do it.

You don't hear this from your parents or your teachers or your friends, because they never tell you the other option. You know why? It's because they don't know it exists. They tell you that to do what everyone one else is doing, they tell you that you have to get a safe job and be like all of them, BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT THEY DID.

But you don't have to do that. There is another way. You can make the choice to do what I did. You can't be Tucker Max, but you can recognize what you love, then find the courage to commit fully to it.

You can do it, but you have to choose to do it.

I know it can be done, because I did it.

And if I can do it, so can you.

Besides, let me ask you something: What's the alternative? If you don't live the life you want, what life are you living? A life you don't want.

And if you don't want your life, why are you even getting up in the morning?

Thank you guys, you've been great.

Denver, CO on April 28 and 29th: Hanging out with a friend, going to a Nuggets playoff game, etc.

Columbus, OH on May 11th: Doing a speech at Ohio State, then going out that night in Columbus.

Dallas, TX on June 3rd and 4th: Throwing out the first pitch at a minor league baseball game. Totally serious. Then hosting a bar event and getting really drunk with ho Texas girls.

It still won't be out for awhile, but if you order it now you can forget about it, and when it drops it'll come to you in the mail.

Announcement about the release date of the movie is coming soon, I promise. Hold tight.

Somehow I was nominated to Time Magazines 100 Most Influential list for 2009. I don't really get it either, but I am #25 right now, and you can still vote for me here.

This makes me laugh, because they have never given me one ounce of press, until this. How you can go from being uncoverable to being one of their 100 Most Influential People is beyond me.

Also, the first press review of the movie is out, you can read it here. All the news about the release and everything else is coming soon, I won't forget to post it here.

PS--I know it's April 1st, but this isn't an April Fool's joke. That list came out like two weeks ago.

For every signing I've ever done, I get to the bookstore about 15 minutes early, I usually sit in the back with the managers and sign some stock for them to put out after I leave, and then I start the signing right at the time I say it will start. Usually by the starting time there are dozens, if not hundreds of people already in line. I sign books for however long it takes to get through the line, and then when the line runs out, that means the signing is over. Obviously if there is no one else there who wants their book signed, I am done.

Today, shit was fucked up from the start. I got to the signing at Books-A-Million at Arundel Mills early, at like 1:30. The signing was supposed to start at 2pm, but the bookstore was completely disorganized. Instead of taking me to the back to sign stock or having me wait until 2pm, they just had me sit down immediately and start signing. I didn't object to this because there were already like 80 people in line, so I figured, why make them wait?

Well, I am pretty quick at signings, and I got through the whole like by 2:05. I asked the idiot manager--who to that point had done nothing but stand three feet away from me and talk to some fucking weirdo about kooky conspiracy theories the entire signing annoying the shit out of me--if he wanted me to sign some stock.

Manager "Sure, I guess. Is that what you normally do?"
Tucker "Yeah."
Manager "OK, let's do that."
He just stood there looking at me.
Tucker "Uh...ok. How many do you want me to sign?"
Manager [confused, dumb look on his face] "I have no idea."

So I signed like 20 books, and a few more people straggled in and I signed for them, and by the time I was done it was 2:15. There was no one else there to have a book signed.

Tucker "Do you need me to sign anything else?"
Manager "No, I guess that's it."
Tucker "OK, does that mean we're done? If we're done, I am going to go."
Manager "OK."

Since I said the signing would start at 2pm, I thought everyone who was going to come had come. It didn't occur to me that more people were going to show up late. Had I stopped and thought about it, it would have made perfect sense, and I would have waited at least until 2:30 to make sure, but I was intensely hung over this morning from a hard night of partying in DC last night, and so I just wasn't thinking. For every other signing I've done, when the line ends, the signing is over.

Well, apparently a LOT of people showed up after I left. I don't know how many, but it was at least dozens, because that's how many emails I've gotten asking where the fuck I was.

First off If you showed up to the signing and I was gone, I am really sorry. I had no intention of dissing any of my fans, I would never bolt a place early on purpose, I honestly just thought we were done.

But here's what really fucking pissed me off: I have heard from several fans that the fucking assholes working at Books-A-Million put all the blame ON ME, and told people I was supposed to stay an hour but demanded to leave!!

Fuck those fucking incompetent, lying assholes.

I have done dozens of signings at bookstores around the country, and NEVER has anyone who worked at any book store ever had anything but the very best things to say about me as an author. I will sign anything, take any picture, stay as long as there are fans there, I talk to people--I do everything you could ever expect from an author. For those fucking pricks to act like I left for ANY reason other than I thought we were done is fucking bullshit. I will never do a signing at a Book-A-Million again. Fuck them.

But the most important thing: I want to sincerely apologize to everyone who showed up to find me gone. I may be an asshole, but I would NEVER be a dick to fans on purpose, and yes I should have waited until 2:30, but I honestly thought we were done. My bad, and if there is any way I can reasonably make it up to you, let me know.

Here are the details for anyone interested in going to one of them:

NEW YORK, NY
Wednesday, January 21st
Borders
6pm
2 Penn Plaza
New York, NY 10121

PHILADELPHIA, PA
Thursday, January 22nd
Borders
6pm
80 E Wynnewood Avenue
Wynnewood, PA 19096

WASHINGTON, D.C.
Friday, January 23rd
Books A Million
7pm
11 Dupont Circle N.W.
Washington, DC 20036

MARYLAND
Saturday, January 24th
Books A Million - Arundel Hills
2pm
7000 Arundel Mills Circle, Space B3
Hanover, MD 21076

BOSTON, MA
Monday, January 26th
Borders
7pm
511 Boylston St.
Boston, MA 10121


CHICAGO, IL
Tuesday, January 27th
Borders
7pm
830 N. Michigan Avenue
Chicago, IL 60611

-Once we know the release date, we will plan several premieres around the country that fans will be able to attend. They will be really cool, we'll have swag bags, sponsors, and a post-screening Q&A with me, Nils, and some of the cast, shit like that. Sign up to get the info once we finalize plans [yes, this is the same sign-up list as the one I linked above].

2. Assholes Finish First
My next book, Assholes Finish First, has been pushed back for various reasons, the main one being that I was focused on making a movie. The plan is for it to come out in November 2009. Sign up either with Amazon or with my email list, and you'll get notified as soon as the release date is set.

3. I Hope They Serve Beer In Hell
But, I do have a new book out. Well, not really, but sort of. The revised and expanded edition of I Hope They Serve Beer In Hell drops in December, right after Christmas. It's the exact same book, but there are two new stories, and I included the highlights of the stuff from the book tour. You can order a copy of the new revised and expanded version here.

-There are about 30-40k copies of the old version still being sold, if you want one as a collectors item or some shit like that, make sure and get it now.

4. Another Book Tour
I am going on a book tour to promote this new edition in January. Here is the tentative schedule:

Wednesday, January 21st: NYC
[Early Barnes & Noble signing in Brooklyn and an evening Borders signing in Manhattan]
Thursday, January 22nd: PHILADELPHIA, PA
Friday, January 23rd: WASHINGTON, D.C.
Saturday, January 24th: MARYLAND
Monday, January 26th: BOSTON, MA
Tuesday, January 27th: CHICAGO, IL

This is still a tentative list, but same deal as above--sign up and Ill send you the finalized info, or ocme back here, I'll post about it soon.

5. Speeches and appearances
I have a bunch of speeches at various universities and colleges set up for this coming year, sign up here to get info about them. Make sure and enter your zip code to get announcements about speeches in your area, I will geotarget these announcements so as not to annoy people who aren't close to the place I'll be.

6. Buy a copy for Christmas
If you want to buy a signed copy of the book for someone for Christmas, make sure to get your order in as soon as possible. By tomorrow for international orders, and by December 10th for domestic orders. Order them here.



I think that covers everything imminent. Tons more in the works, but those things can wait until they are closer to release.

Happy Hour Is for Amateurs: A Lost Decade in the World's Worst Profession

Out of law school, I decided that I wasn't going to do that, that I was going to follow my own path and live my life the way I wanted to and fuck everyone who didn't like it. Philalawyer took the path that most people took, did everything he was supposed to do, and it took him a decade to realize what it took me three weeks to figure out: Being a lawyer sucks, and it steals your soul, and if I had stayed in the profession, this book is basically what I would have written (except he's probably a much better writer than me). Just look at the jacket blurb:

"This is a book about escape. It's also about laughing gas. And bourbon and dope and sex and mushrooms and every other vice millions of us indulge in to forget our jobs, the office, and the stifling, corporate caricatures we're forced to become for paychecks. This is a book about a decade lost in a senseless career no one likes and all the ridiculous things I did to run from it. In the end, it's probably your story as much as mine. We're everywhere. We just can't say it out loud."

I highly recommend the book, and if you like my stuff you will probably like his stuff as well. You can also check out his site for excerpts.

For everyone else:

1. I suck at responding: I get a lot of email and I don't have a lot of time. Something has to give, and it's usually my ability to respond. Please don't take it personally if I don't respond to you, I usually only answer about 10% of the mail I get. Most of your questions are probably already answered on the FAQ page, so start there.

2. If you are a girl below the age of 18, DO NOT write me: Seriously, I am not into underage girls and I am definitely not into jail time.

3. Don't ask advice: Despite the fact that I get tons of emails from people asking me for all sorts of advice on every topic imaginable, I don't really have time to give specific advice. If you really need to ask me a question, go here, there are instructions on how to do so. I may or may not answer, but I definitely won't answer emails asking for advice.

Knowing that, either fill out the form below, or contact me through email or MySpace:

Email: tuckermax@gmail.com
Myspace: Tucker on MySpace

Anyway, Michael has a new book out, and as a way to publicize it, he has challenged me to a fistfight. Here is what he said:

So Tucker Max, you drunk, misogynistic motherfucker - I am officially calling you OUT! I am going to fist fuck every hole in your boozy little body until you crawl away like the sniveling little bitch that you are. YOU'RE DEAD!

You can read the rest on his blog.

Michael, I have no problem helping you get the word out about your book (which I haven't read but hear is pretty funny). But there is price to pay for trying to publicize it on the back of my popularity:

I accept.

I'm completely serious. I'd LOVE to fight you.

I'll even promise to show up drunk as shit. I'll drink an unreasonable amount of alcohol before we fight--20 beers, 30 beers, whatever it takes to me plastered. And if you don't think I'm drunk enough, I'll keep drinking. As long as I am conscious and able to stand on my feet, I'll fight you.

And here's the kicker:

If you beat me, I'll give you the next royalty check from my book.

It should be about 150k, give or take agent fees and other things. I am completely serious.

We don't even have to make this a bet. You win, you get the money. I win, I get nothing (except the satisfaction of standing over your broken, bleeding body and drunkenly yelling at you, "GET UP YOU FUCKING PUSSY! GET UP AND FIGHT!," or something to that effect, since I'll be drunk I can't quite predict what my words will be, or that they will even be enunciated or understandable).

Email me and let's set the time and place: tuckermax@gmail.com

And just to be clear: This isn't personal. I think you are a funny comedian, and I really respect your work. I'd much rather kick the shit out of someone who deserves it, like Benji Madden or Brody Jenner. To that effect, I promise when I kick your ass, I'll do my best not to leave any permanent damage.

Comment and discuss