No one has been waiting for this longer than me:

The movie I Hope They Serve Beer In Hell opens for wide release on September 25th, 2009.

Put it on your calender, write it down in pen, that is our opening date. It's not going to change.

Now to the obvious questions:

-How does this affect The IHTSBIH Premiere Tour?
Since lots of schools start in mid-August, we are going to start the tour in late August and run it all the way up to the release, and maybe even a week or two past the release. We are figuring where we are stopping and when right now, and will post that info ASAP.

-How many theaters/screens?
No idea. We may do a slow roll out, and hit the 50 major markets first before going super wide. We may just go straight wide. This will be figured out in the next few weeks, but if you live near a big city or college town, you should be covered fine from the get go.

-When does the marketing start?
You mean aside from the marketing I've been doing for over a year on this blog and other places? Well, you will see a media push start about a month out, and the big media dump about ten days out from release. Commercials, print ads, billboards, all that shit starts light in August, and gets heavier as we get closer to September 25th.

-When is the trailer coming out?
Start to ask about it again on July 4th--if it's not out by then, we missed our internal deadline to have it done. Hopefully this will be the first deadline we hit on time.

I am so fucking excited. Goddamn I have waited for this moment--locking down a release date is so fucking important in so many ways. I've been like a thoroughbred in the starting gate, chomping at my bit and anxious to go, and the gates just opened.

119 days to the finish line.

Awesome.

Comment and discuss

I did a speech at Ohio State on Monday, and it was bedlam. The auditorium was completely packed with fans--that's normal--but for the first time ever, I had real protesters. And not just a few, like almost 100, and they went fucking nuts. It was AWESOME!

But this was bigger than just having people pissed at me and getting attention. I get that shit on the internet and in the media all the time. This was one of the coolest things that has ever happened to me, because for the first time, I crossed over from cult figure to celebrity. You can tell in the video that I am kinda astonished at the beginning--on stage, watching that insanity play out, it dawned on me that my life had permanently changed. There were so many people there--both fans and protesters--the cops had to escort me out the back because they were afraid a riot would start. That's insane. This is the type of shit that only happens to famous people. Someone else said it best:

"Feminazis holding signs? Angry hipster-emo dudes wearing granny-glasses at an anti-Tucker rally? Police escorts? Max is now an official rockstar. God help us all."

The media:

-Video of the beginning of the speech where the protesters keep interrupting me and I mock them

-Video of the protesters before the speech, after the speech outside the auditorium, and later out on the street

-If you can watch this video and not bust out laughing the moment you see the woman protesting me, you are a better person than I.

-A news story about the protest complete with awesome picture

-Another piece about the speech, that outlines what I said.

-Some video of the protesters that someone else took

-The video of the content of my actual speech, Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, Part 4, and the Q&A part 1 and part 2.

-Scan of the handout given to people coming into the speech

-A longer piece that outlines the background issues in this controversy


What's really fucked up for my fans was that I had cleared it with the OSU administration and I was going to do a secret screening of the movie instead of this speech. I was going to essentially premiere the movie for this audience. But because of the protests and other bullshit, the administration balked and asked me to just do the speech instead.

Man, this movie is going to get so much fucking attention. I am so excited.

EDIT: Apparently, some people are having problems hearing the audio for the speech. We added captions in as many places as we could, but a lot of the crowd noise, we just can't hear what the protestors are saying. Here is the full text of my speech, if you just want to read it and not watch the videos:

The Ohio State Speech

If you're here today, I assume you know who I am and what I do. But for that ONE asshole in the crowd who got dragged along with his friends doesn't know who I am, I'll give a brief intro:

My name is Tucker Max and I wrote a book called I Hope They Serve Beer In Hell. It details a series of short stories I wrote about drinking and fucking and being a typical guy in his mid-twenties. It's sold over 800k copies and spent over 105 weeks on the New York Times Best Seller List (for the Comm majors: that's more than two years). It's #4 this week, actually. The Times also credited me with starting a new literary genre called "Fratire." The followup book was sold for what was then record setting advance. The Washington Post said it was the only book that every college student has read. It has become so popular I was just nominated to Time Magazine's 100 Most Influential People of 2009. I also just finished shooting a movie based on the book which will come out this fall, probably September or October.

That's the story you know, the Tucker Max the public sees. And based off that, if I give a speech, you probably expect me to tell funny stories like the ones in the book, because that's what Tucker Max does, right?

Well, yeah, actually it is. I mean, shit man, I've fucked a midget, and amputee and a set of twins, raise your hand if you've ever done that! There's no question that when I am out drinking with my friends and have fun, that's me, and that's who I am, and those stories are what are in the book.

BUT---That's not what this speech is about.

You can read all about my adventures on your own time. This speech is about the book, but instead of being about the stories, it's about the lesson I think you should take from I Hope They Serve Beer In Hell.

Now, if you just superficially read the book, probably all you focus on is the drinking and fucking and poop jokes, and while those are there, they are only the first level of meaning. There's more to the book than that. Below all of that is my answer to the fundamental question--What are you going to with your life? Ultimately, THAT is what I Hope They Serve Beer In Hell is about:

It's about living the life that you want to live, not the life others push onto you. It's about being the person you want to be, not the person other people want you to be, and it's about enoying the time you have. I convey this message not by preaching it to you, but by showing you how I do it.

I know what you may be thinking, and I actually kinda agree with you: This is not obvious in my reading. All I read was some guy throwing a girls clothes out the window b/c she was so fat he didn't want his friends to see her. And that's true, that's all there, but there's more to the book than that.

So what I'm going to do is give you some back story to my life and explain the path that led me to write this book, because to understand where I came from is to understand the message of the book:

As a kid, I had an early knack for humor and writing. There was one elementary school teacher in particular who identified it and tried to foster it in me. I also had another teacher in high school who kinda helped me see that I had a talent for writing and told me to pursue it, but I grew up in Kentucky. No one growing up in Kentucky writes or does entertainment for a living. Everyone else around me pushed me to a different path.

Growing up, the expectations around me where that I would be a doctor or a lawyer or a businessman or something that is a typical and easy to understand success like that. So I listened to the people around me and went to hardest academic school I could find to best prepare me for a conventional job: The University of Chicago.

But a funny thing happened as I studied to get that conventional job: I kept writing on my own time. Never because I thought it would go anywhere, but because I loved it.

My freshman year, I started a quote list because one day after I said something really funny at the dinner table, I thought "someone should write that down," so I did it. I started to think about things I said, and began to try to deliver the best line I could in any situation, so I could have something funny to put on my list.

I also wrote a column for the schools newspaper, The Maroon. The thing I hated about the school newspaper is that if someone wants to read about serious world affairs, they'll read what the NY Times or the Wall Street Journal says--no one gives a shit about what some idiot 19 year old has to say about world affairs--shut the fuck up.

So instead of being one of those pompous hard-ons, I looked around at the world I lived in and I wrote about that world, calling out specific people and organizations at my school, really not much different than how I write now, just a different subject matter.

Well, the thing blew up. My column became the most read feature the Maroon had produced in as long as anyone could remember. I was a mini-celeb on campus, always causing controversy and getting attention, and even though I graduated top 10% of my class and with highest honors, that column and my quote list are still the things I am most proud of from college.

It came time to figure out what I was going to do after college, for a second I thought about the entertainment business, or something with writing--after all, there was proof I had talent. But this time it took my parents and the other people around me even less time to convince me to not do that, because by then I had really bought into the system, and I let them convince me that to be a writer you had to take writing classes and that being a writer was not an acceptable way to succeed.

So I pushed the thought of writing completely out of my head, and I took their advice and I went to Duke Law School. I even got an academic scholarship to go there.

Well, I hated law school. Not because it was hard, but because it was so easy and boring and pointless. Don't ever let anyone tell you its hard. It's not. The only hard part is getting in. I stopped going to class first semester, stopped buying books second semester, and lived in Cancun for six weeks once during my second year.

But, despite the fact that I couldn't stand the actual school, I really liked my time there because of my friends. I finally had friends who were not only as smart as me, they partied harder than me, and were funnier than me. If you've read my stories, you know them by their nicknames; SlingBlade, PWJ, Jojo, GoldenBoy, Hate, etc.

Amazing friends, no real responsibilities, and lots of alcohol and women around. A lot of the stories from my book are from this time in my life, because I was living a life that l loved--doing things I enjoyed and being with people I liked, and it showed.

Maybe because of this, because I wasn't doing anything besides being the person I'd always wanted to be, writing came back to me with a strength it hadn't in a long time.

During finals second year, SlingBlade and I were punch drunk in the library after being up all night procrastinating instead of studying, and on a whim I made up a website where girls could fill out an application to date me.

Even though it started a joke, I found myself devoting all my time to it. In one month, I put more work into that crappy little site than I did in all my actual studies over all three years of law school.

Here's the real kicker: Because I thought it didn't matter, because I was totally unencumbered by any expectations--because I was free to fail--I let loose on that thing, and my creative energy came forth in way it hadn't since I was a child. It turned out to be truly, genuinely fucking funny.

Yet despite all this work, despite how happy I was working on site, it never occurred to me that this was a sign of something. I was so blind that a few months later, when we went to our summer jobs in cities all across the country, I took the site down and basically forgot about it. The thing that had brought out the best in me, I ignored. I was completely blind to myself.

But I did keep up with my writing by sending hilarious emails to my friends about all the dumb shit I would do when I was out drinking. If you've read my book, you read one of those emails I sent to my friends. It's in the Charity Auction Debacle Story, the one where I talk about the senior female partner who propositioned me and I turned her down--pretty much the only sex I've ever turned down in my life. You know what comes next...

I was fired from the summer associate job.

What was supposed to basically be an extended summer vacation, essentially a no-show job that you can't get fired from...I got fired from.

Three weeks into my legal career, it was over.

Looking back on it now, it was the best thing that ever happened to me. If they hadn't fired me, I don't think I ever would have had the courage to quit being a lawyer, to give up that six figure job and pursue my dreams on my own. But at the time, I was completely devastated. My world was crushed.

Thankfully I did have a back-up plan: I could go work for my father. Since I had trained my whole life for either law or business, if I can't do law, I'll just do business, right? My dad owns a successful restaurant company in South Florida, and I had a great idea for how to expand the concept and take it national, so let's do that.

At first, the challenge of the business and the thrill of something new invigorated me. My dad has a great restaurant concept and we had a fantastic plan to expand it, but there was so much wrong with the way it was run, I had all kinds of problems to solve first.

The biggest were the employees. I wanted to fire most of the people who worked for my dad because they were either incompetent suck-ups or brazen thieves. I thought that because I was right and my name was on the door, my dad would back me. I was still young enough to think that being right was what mattered. You guys are probably still young enough to think that, but you'll learn your lesson. Long story short, the employees were better at office politics than I was, and my dad ended up backing them.

I got fired. By my own father. From the FAMILY BUSINESS.

Seriously, go to Mizner Park in Boca Raton, Florida. There is a restaurant called Max's Grill. My dad is in there 5 nights a week, you can ask him about it. Now that I'm such a success, he may hem and haw and make excuses, but make no mistake about it:

My own father fired me.

So there I was. 26 years old. Alone. Living in shitty Boca Raton, Florida. Fucking girls I couldn't stand, like Miss Vermont. Fired from the entire legal profession. Fired from the family business by my own father. I had failed miserably at the only two things I had trained for in my life. Kicked out of the system I had bought into.

The funny thing is, I was still writing, and not having a job let me read a lot and work on my writing, but I was so brainwashed, it STILL didn't occur to me that I could just be who I wanted to be and write full time.

It was actually in this period that I wrote the Sushi Pants Story--it ends with me drunk, and I drive to my office and type that story to email to my friends. Whats really funny is that the format I use, the time stamp format, people have lauded me as being a genius for inventing that, but thats bullshit. You know why I wrote it like that? Because I was too drunk to write in complete sentences!

Then, with my world as bleak as it had ever been, three things happened right in a row:

First, I read a book called AHBWOSG by Dave Eggers. At the time it was hailed as a comedic masterpiece, and Eggers was seen as the next big thing in literature. I read the book and thought, "What the fuck? I can do better than this." But instead of manning up and attempting to actually write a better book, I did what all envious people who abandon their dreams do when they see someone succeed where they are afriad of trying: I hated on him.

Then, my buddy PWJ called me one day, and had a long talk with me. He told me that the site was amazing, and that my stories are the funniest thing he'd ever read. That I could be a writer.

Hearing this from someone else, especially from a guy who I respected, meant something to me. Tucker Max as writer.

I wanted it, I considered it, but I still couldn't make the leap. I was still having trouble wrapping my head around the idea of taking the path less traveled. I had bought into the system so fully, and abandoned my passion for so long, I no longer believed in it or in myself. It just didn't seem realistic that I could do it.

Then I read Fight Club. If there is any one singular event that I can point to that set me on the course to who and what I am today, it is reading Fight Club. It woke something primal and fundamental in me.

I had seen the movie when I was in college, but until you have gone out into the world and worked a shitty job and thought to yourself, "Is this it? Is this why I went to school? For this?", you can't understand it. But once I read the book after the real world kicked me in the teeth, it clicked. It gave voice to something inside me I had not been able to elucidate before:

I had been sold a lie. Life was not about going to the right schools and getting the right jobs just so I work a job I hate in order to accumulate more crap I don't want or need. That's not how life was meant to be lived. There is another way. I can be the man I want to be, I can do the things I want to do and I can live the life I want to live...I just have to stop believing the lies I have been sold, and stop caring what all those people think who don't matter, and find the courage to go out and do it.

The only thing stopping me...is ultimately me.

One month later, I went to a wedding in Chicago. I stayed with a buddy of mine who had just bought a two bedroom condo, and one of the bedrooms empty. I made a joke about wishing I lived with him, he replied "Sure, you can live here, why not?"

I never went back to Florida. The funniest part is that he was totally not serious about the offer--who the fuck would want to live with me? Disaster--empty beer cans, emotionally broken, funny walking sluts trapsing through the apartment at all hours, strange odors coming from unknown places--who wants to live with that? I don't even want to live with myself.

On the morning of August 4th, 2002, I sat down at a blank computer screen and started working. It wasn't even my computer--I had to get my roommate to let me borrow his. I had no money, nothing of value to my name, and no real plan at all. But I wanted to fucking write, so I just started writing.

A month later, on September 9th, 2002, the site went live. I was 26 years old, and for the first time in my life, I was being the man I wanted to be and living the life I wanted to live. I didn't know how I was going to do it...but, I was going to either find a way, or make one.

The rest is pretty much history. I put up the site, then the book, then the movie, and now I am "Tucker Max."

So--what the fuck does this have to do with the book? Well, the book is about this journey. It is a written record of me living my life the way I want to live it.

Yes, I write about having sex, and about getting drunk, and about busting on people and about being an asshole sometimes, and about all that shit. All of that surface stuff that people focus on so much is all there, but it's not really the soul of the book.

Here's the best way to understand that: Go read all the copycat blogs and books out there. There are so many people who have tried to imitate me, and every single one has failed miserably. Why? Because they think the stories are only about drinking or fucking or acting stupid, and since they think they do the same things I do, they can write about it the same way. But they can't, because the stories are not about all that shit--they're about one man's expression of love for his life.

The specific things I do are just my individual way of expressing myself, but the book is ultimately about having fun, defining your own life, and ultimately, being the person you want to be, and THAT is what you should take from it, because THAT is what I Hope They Serve Beer In Hell is about.

Now look: I am not going to stand here and lie to you and tell you that I was thinking about all of this when I started writing the emails to my friends that became the stories in the book. That's not only fucking ridiculous, it's patently false. The stories in the book started as nothing more than what they are: My attempt to write something that would entertain me and my friends.

But that's the point--I wasn't trying to be anything or do anything aside from the simple things that made me happy, and writing those stories made me happy. I was never trying to invent a new genre or write a massive best seller or create a huge brand or get named one of the most influential people in America.

But guess what? A funny thing happens when you cast off all the bullshit everyone dumps on you, and just live for yourself and follow your dreams: What it takes to get you there shows up in the finished product. When you love what you do, it shows, and people respond.

Now, before I finish, I want to call some of you out. I can tell some of you are getting this, and that's awesome, I hope this does resonate with you and start you on the right path.

But I know, I FUCKING KNOW, that some of you are sitting there, all skeptical, thinking to yourself "Whatever, this is just some bullshit inspirational speech he is making because he's getting paid. I am different; this doesn't apply to me."

SHUT THE FUCK UP.

I am not some old fart blathering on about pie in the sky bullshit. You and I are almost the same. Ten years ago, I sat exactly where you are sitting, did the same shit you are doing now, and since that time, I have drank more beer, banged more girls and kicked more ass than all of you chewed bubble gum lackwit pussies put together! So don't fucking try and say this shit doesn't apply to you--that's exactly why you love my writing, because you CAN relate to it.

I started where you are now, and I AM who you could be, if you have to courage.

Shit, I DID HEAR THIS SPEECH at 21 from some dope-smoking peacenik, and I told that fucking hippy minstrel to go back to his weed smoking and hating the World Bank and leave the real work to us. AND I WAS FUCKING WRONG. It took me another five years just to realize I wasn't living the life I wanted.

And don't you fucking dare get up in the Q&A and say some stupid shit like, "Yeah, that's all well and good, but you didn't tell me HOW I am supposed to live my life for myself."

Man, fuck you too. You think I had a map to get to where I am? I had no fucking idea--I was winging it the whole time. Shit, I had to INVENT A NEW LITERARY GENRE!! There are no directions to life; you have to figure most of it out on your own. You want to live a life you love, you can't do it in a paint by numbers style--you make it either because you want to free your soul or you don't.

Make no mistake about it: What you do with your with your life is A CHOICE. You can be who you want to be, you just have to have the courage to go do it.

You don't hear this from your parents or your teachers or your friends, because they never tell you the other option. You know why? It's because they don't know it exists. They tell you that to do what everyone one else is doing, they tell you that you have to get a safe job and be like all of them, BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT THEY DID.

But you don't have to do that. There is another way. You can make the choice to do what I did. You can't be Tucker Max, but you can recognize what you love, then find the courage to commit fully to it.

You can do it, but you have to choose to do it.

I know it can be done, because I did it.

And if I can do it, so can you.

Besides, let me ask you something: What's the alternative? If you don't live the life you want, what life are you living? A life you don't want.

And if you don't want your life, why are you even getting up in the morning?

Thank you guys, you've been great.

Denver, CO on April 28 and 29th: Hanging out with a friend, going to a Nuggets playoff game, etc.

Columbus, OH on May 11th: Doing a speech at Ohio State, then going out that night in Columbus.

Dallas, TX on June 3rd and 4th: Throwing out the first pitch at a minor league baseball game. Totally serious. Then hosting a bar event and getting really drunk with ho Texas girls.

It still won't be out for awhile, but if you order it now you can forget about it, and when it drops it'll come to you in the mail.

Announcement about the release date of the movie is coming soon, I promise. Hold tight.

Somehow I was nominated to Time Magazines 100 Most Influential list for 2009. I don't really get it either, but I am #25 right now, and you can still vote for me here.

This makes me laugh, because they have never given me one ounce of press, until this. How you can go from being uncoverable to being one of their 100 Most Influential People is beyond me.

Also, the first press review of the movie is out, you can read it here. All the news about the release and everything else is coming soon, I won't forget to post it here.

PS--I know it's April 1st, but this isn't an April Fool's joke. That list came out like two weeks ago.

For every signing I've ever done, I get to the bookstore about 15 minutes early, I usually sit in the back with the managers and sign some stock for them to put out after I leave, and then I start the signing right at the time I say it will start. Usually by the starting time there are dozens, if not hundreds of people already in line. I sign books for however long it takes to get through the line, and then when the line runs out, that means the signing is over. Obviously if there is no one else there who wants their book signed, I am done.

Today, shit was fucked up from the start. I got to the signing at Books-A-Million at Arundel Mills early, at like 1:30. The signing was supposed to start at 2pm, but the bookstore was completely disorganized. Instead of taking me to the back to sign stock or having me wait until 2pm, they just had me sit down immediately and start signing. I didn't object to this because there were already like 80 people in line, so I figured, why make them wait?

Well, I am pretty quick at signings, and I got through the whole like by 2:05. I asked the idiot manager--who to that point had done nothing but stand three feet away from me and talk to some fucking weirdo about kooky conspiracy theories the entire signing annoying the shit out of me--if he wanted me to sign some stock.

Manager "Sure, I guess. Is that what you normally do?"
Tucker "Yeah."
Manager "OK, let's do that."
He just stood there looking at me.
Tucker "Uh...ok. How many do you want me to sign?"
Manager [confused, dumb look on his face] "I have no idea."

So I signed like 20 books, and a few more people straggled in and I signed for them, and by the time I was done it was 2:15. There was no one else there to have a book signed.

Tucker "Do you need me to sign anything else?"
Manager "No, I guess that's it."
Tucker "OK, does that mean we're done? If we're done, I am going to go."
Manager "OK."

Since I said the signing would start at 2pm, I thought everyone who was going to come had come. It didn't occur to me that more people were going to show up late. Had I stopped and thought about it, it would have made perfect sense, and I would have waited at least until 2:30 to make sure, but I was intensely hung over this morning from a hard night of partying in DC last night, and so I just wasn't thinking. For every other signing I've done, when the line ends, the signing is over.

Well, apparently a LOT of people showed up after I left. I don't know how many, but it was at least dozens, because that's how many emails I've gotten asking where the fuck I was.

First off If you showed up to the signing and I was gone, I am really sorry. I had no intention of dissing any of my fans, I would never bolt a place early on purpose, I honestly just thought we were done.

But here's what really fucking pissed me off: I have heard from several fans that the fucking assholes working at Books-A-Million put all the blame ON ME, and told people I was supposed to stay an hour but demanded to leave!!

Fuck those fucking incompetent, lying assholes.

I have done dozens of signings at bookstores around the country, and NEVER has anyone who worked at any book store ever had anything but the very best things to say about me as an author. I will sign anything, take any picture, stay as long as there are fans there, I talk to people--I do everything you could ever expect from an author. For those fucking pricks to act like I left for ANY reason other than I thought we were done is fucking bullshit. I will never do a signing at a Book-A-Million again. Fuck them.

But the most important thing: I want to sincerely apologize to everyone who showed up to find me gone. I may be an asshole, but I would NEVER be a dick to fans on purpose, and yes I should have waited until 2:30, but I honestly thought we were done. My bad, and if there is any way I can reasonably make it up to you, let me know.

Here are the details for anyone interested in going to one of them:

NEW YORK, NY
Wednesday, January 21st
Borders
6pm
2 Penn Plaza
New York, NY 10121

PHILADELPHIA, PA
Thursday, January 22nd
Borders
6pm
80 E Wynnewood Avenue
Wynnewood, PA 19096

WASHINGTON, D.C.
Friday, January 23rd
Books A Million
7pm
11 Dupont Circle N.W.
Washington, DC 20036

MARYLAND
Saturday, January 24th
Books A Million - Arundel Hills
2pm
7000 Arundel Mills Circle, Space B3
Hanover, MD 21076

BOSTON, MA
Monday, January 26th
Borders
7pm
511 Boylston St.
Boston, MA 10121


CHICAGO, IL
Tuesday, January 27th
Borders
7pm
830 N. Michigan Avenue
Chicago, IL 60611

-Once we know the release date, we will plan several premieres around the country that fans will be able to attend. They will be really cool, we'll have swag bags, sponsors, and a post-screening Q&A with me, Nils, and some of the cast, shit like that. Sign up to get the info once we finalize plans [yes, this is the same sign-up list as the one I linked above].

2. Assholes Finish First
My next book, Assholes Finish First, has been pushed back for various reasons, the main one being that I was focused on making a movie. The plan is for it to come out in November 2009. Sign up either with Amazon or with my email list, and you'll get notified as soon as the release date is set.

3. I Hope They Serve Beer In Hell
But, I do have a new book out. Well, not really, but sort of. The revised and expanded edition of I Hope They Serve Beer In Hell drops in December, right after Christmas. It's the exact same book, but there are two new stories, and I included the highlights of the stuff from the book tour. You can order a copy of the new revised and expanded version here.

-There are about 30-40k copies of the old version still being sold, if you want one as a collectors item or some shit like that, make sure and get it now.

4. Another Book Tour
I am going on a book tour to promote this new edition in January. Here is the tentative schedule:

Wednesday, January 21st: NYC
[Early Barnes & Noble signing in Brooklyn and an evening Borders signing in Manhattan]
Thursday, January 22nd: PHILADELPHIA, PA
Friday, January 23rd: WASHINGTON, D.C.
Saturday, January 24th: MARYLAND
Monday, January 26th: BOSTON, MA
Tuesday, January 27th: CHICAGO, IL

This is still a tentative list, but same deal as above--sign up and Ill send you the finalized info, or ocme back here, I'll post about it soon.

5. Speeches and appearances
I have a bunch of speeches at various universities and colleges set up for this coming year, sign up here to get info about them. Make sure and enter your zip code to get announcements about speeches in your area, I will geotarget these announcements so as not to annoy people who aren't close to the place I'll be.

6. Buy a copy for Christmas
If you want to buy a signed copy of the book for someone for Christmas, make sure to get your order in as soon as possible. By tomorrow for international orders, and by December 10th for domestic orders. Order them here.



I think that covers everything imminent. Tons more in the works, but those things can wait until they are closer to release.

Happy Hour Is for Amateurs: A Lost Decade in the World's Worst Profession

Out of law school, I decided that I wasn't going to do that, that I was going to follow my own path and live my life the way I wanted to and fuck everyone who didn't like it. Philalawyer took the path that most people took, did everything he was supposed to do, and it took him a decade to realize what it took me three weeks to figure out: Being a lawyer sucks, and it steals your soul, and if I had stayed in the profession, this book is basically what I would have written (except he's probably a much better writer than me). Just look at the jacket blurb:

"This is a book about escape. It's also about laughing gas. And bourbon and dope and sex and mushrooms and every other vice millions of us indulge in to forget our jobs, the office, and the stifling, corporate caricatures we're forced to become for paychecks. This is a book about a decade lost in a senseless career no one likes and all the ridiculous things I did to run from it. In the end, it's probably your story as much as mine. We're everywhere. We just can't say it out loud."

I highly recommend the book, and if you like my stuff you will probably like his stuff as well. You can also check out his site for excerpts.

For everyone else:

1. I suck at responding: I get a lot of email and I don't have a lot of time. Something has to give, and it's usually my ability to respond. Please don't take it personally if I don't respond to you, I usually only answer about 10% of the mail I get. Most of your questions are probably already answered on the FAQ page, so start there.

2. If you are a girl below the age of 18, DO NOT write me: Seriously, I am not into underage girls and I am definitely not into jail time.

3. Don't ask advice: Despite the fact that I get tons of emails from people asking me for all sorts of advice on every topic imaginable, I don't really have time to give specific advice. If you really need to ask me a question, go here, there are instructions on how to do so. I may or may not answer, but I definitely won't answer emails asking for advice.

Knowing that, either fill out the form below, or contact me through email or MySpace:

Email: tuckermax@gmail.com
Myspace: Tucker on MySpace

Anyway, Michael has a new book out, and as a way to publicize it, he has challenged me to a fistfight. Here is what he said:

So Tucker Max, you drunk, misogynistic motherfucker - I am officially calling you OUT! I am going to fist fuck every hole in your boozy little body until you crawl away like the sniveling little bitch that you are. YOU'RE DEAD!

You can read the rest on his blog.

Michael, I have no problem helping you get the word out about your book (which I haven't read but hear is pretty funny). But there is price to pay for trying to publicize it on the back of my popularity:

I accept.

I'm completely serious. I'd LOVE to fight you.

I'll even promise to show up drunk as shit. I'll drink an unreasonable amount of alcohol before we fight--20 beers, 30 beers, whatever it takes to me plastered. And if you don't think I'm drunk enough, I'll keep drinking. As long as I am conscious and able to stand on my feet, I'll fight you.

And here's the kicker:

If you beat me, I'll give you the next royalty check from my book.

It should be about 150k, give or take agent fees and other things. I am completely serious.

We don't even have to make this a bet. You win, you get the money. I win, I get nothing (except the satisfaction of standing over your broken, bleeding body and drunkenly yelling at you, "GET UP YOU FUCKING PUSSY! GET UP AND FIGHT!," or something to that effect, since I'll be drunk I can't quite predict what my words will be, or that they will even be enunciated or understandable).

Email me and let's set the time and place: tuckermax@gmail.com

And just to be clear: This isn't personal. I think you are a funny comedian, and I really respect your work. I'd much rather kick the shit out of someone who deserves it, like Benji Madden or Brody Jenner. To that effect, I promise when I kick your ass, I'll do my best not to leave any permanent damage.

Comment and discuss

The question I have gotten the most since I put this blog up has been, "How can I be in the movie?" The speaking roles are already cast with real actors, but we have a ton of parts to fill for non-speaking roles, also known as "extras." These roles will be filled by professional extras who are hired for our movie by the Extras Casting Director.

That leaves pretty much nothing left, and that was on purpose. At first, I had no intention of opening the casting of any roles, extras or speaking, to the general public. Although the majority of my fans and readers are great, there are enough of the weirdos, trolls and stalkers out there that I didn't want to be bothered having to deal with that crap. One rotten apple spoiling the bunch, etc.

But then I thought to myself--why let those dipshits ruin everyone elses fun? It's like responding to terrorism by removing the freedoms of the people you are trying to protect--once you do that, the terrorists have won anyway. Besides, my fans have given so much to me in so many ways, I figure its only fair to try to give something back by letting those who are interested be involved, even in a small way, in my movie. So, even though most of our extras will be cast the normal way, I have decided to open up some of the extras casting to my fans and readers. If you want to be an extra on the movie, here is how the process will work. Follow the instructions EXACTLY:

1. Send an email to this address: bihextras@gmail.com

2. Put "Beer In Hell Extra" in the subject line

3. Put your name and contact info in the body of the email.

4. Attach at least TWO pictures of yourself (the more the better). They need to be recent, clear and preferably only you. If the pics each have ten people in them, we aren't going to spend the time figuring out which person you are.

From those emails, me and my assistants will look at them and forward the ones who we may be able to use for a scene or scenes to the extras casting director, and if he agrees, he will contact you about being an extra. A few things:

-Please don't get your hopes up. Chances of being selected are low, especially if you are a guy. Male extras are easy to find. Being female helps you, and being a hot female really helps. [If you are a really hot female with a great body, can dance, and are willing to do topless--definitely send an email. We have a big strip club scene to fill, and your chances of being selected are good.]

-Don't do this expecting to hang out with me or anything like that. You may never even meet me, because you may be in a scene that shoots when I'm not on set. [Obviously if you are a hot girl and want to hang out, that can easily be arranged, but email me separately from the extras thing and we'll figure it out: tuckermax@gmail.com]

-We only shoot Monday-Friday, so please don't expect to do this on a weekend trip.

-If you get selected, we won't pay for your travel here (we're shooting in Shreveport, Louisiana) or for your hotel or anything like that. You are on your own. There is food on set during shooting though, and you can have some of that.

-But, if you are selected, you DO get paid. It's not much--I think it might be minimum wage--but it's something.

-I want to be clear about this--being an extra is not glamorous. There is a lot of standing around and waiting and being bored, all for the chance to be in the background of a shot that might not even be in the movie. We aren't going to treat extras like shit the way they do on other movie sets, but you definitely won't be the stars. For the most part, you are expected to do exactly as you're asked, be quiet when not being spoken to, and be ready when you're told.

-That being said, it is not unheard of for an extra to be on-set promoted up to a speaking part. It is rare, but it has happened. In fact, our director has done it on his other films.

If you know and accept all that, and still want to be involved, follow the instructions above, and good luck.

We start shooting on July 21st, and I am going to post tomorrow about how people can become extras on the movie if they want.

Stay tuned.

There is going to be a Tucker Max movie.

It's going to be called I Hope They Serve Beer In Hell.

The script was written by me and Nils Parker.

It's a fictional story, but is based very heavily on the true stories from the book and website.

There are three male leads, one that is based on me (Tucker Max), one that's based on SlingBlade, and one that is a combination of PWJ, El Bingeroso, and Golden Boy. An actor is going to play the character based on me, but his name in the movie will be Tucker Max.

I have already started a blog about the movie, and have a ton of posts about what we've done so far. The archive is here, just start at the bottom and read up.

Sadly, it's not all good news:

Bad News #1 - Assholes Finish First delayed:

The release date of Assholes Finish First was originally fall 2008. I have pushed it back a year so it will coincide with the movie release.

Bad News #2 - This site won't be updated with new stories until the movie and the book come out:

The next year is going to be insanely hectic for me. Creating a feature film is no joke--it is a full time job and then some, so partying and what not has to take a back seat to my movie and book responsibilities, so I don't want anyone to check my site looking for new stories. There won't be any new ones until after both the book and the movie are out.