There is going to be a Tucker Max movie.

It's going to be called I Hope They Serve Beer In Hell.

The script was written by me and Nils Parker.

It's a fictional story, but is based very heavily on the true stories from the book and website.

There are three male leads, one that is based on me (Tucker Max), one that's based on SlingBlade, and one that is a combination of PWJ, El Bingeroso, and Golden Boy. An actor is going to play the character based on me, but his name in the movie will be Tucker Max.

I have already started a blog about the movie, and have a ton of posts about what we've done so far. The archive is here, just start at the bottom and read up.

Sadly, it's not all good news:

Bad News #1 - Assholes Finish First delayed:

The release date of Assholes Finish First was originally fall 2008. I have pushed it back a year so it will coincide with the movie release.

Bad News #2 - This site won't be updated with new stories until the movie and the book come out:

The next year is going to be insanely hectic for me. Creating a feature film is no joke--it is a full time job and then some, so partying and what not has to take a back seat to my movie and book responsibilities, so I don't want anyone to check my site looking for new stories. There won't be any new ones until after both the book and the movie are out.

-The official announcement about my movie is coming this week, probably Thursday (but maybe later). I'll announce the director we've attached, give all the details, etc. It's going to be awesome.

-I am giving a speech on March 3rd, at my grad school alma mater, Duke University. 8pm at Page Auditorium. All are welcome.

-I leave the next day for Houston, where I'll spend a week working on a book with the rapper, Paul Wall.

-I have another speech at Northeastern Univ. in Boston coming up on March 24th. I'll post the detailed info when I get it.

-My buddy started a clothing company, check it out if you like MMA shirts and that kind of stuff.

Three important things for everyone else:

1. If you are a girl below the age of consent in your state, please DO NOT write me. Seriously, I am not into under age girls and I am definitely not into jail time.

2. DO NOT send me your writing and ask me to read and evaluate it for you. I have created an entire board dedicated to that, and I started a company for this reason, go to either place and submit your writing.

3. Despite the fact that I get tons of emails from people asking me for all sorts of advice on every topic imaginable, I don't really have time to give specific advice. If you really need to ask me a question, go here, there are instructions on how to do so. I may or may not answer, but I definitely won't answer emails asking for advice.

Knowing that, either fill out the form below, or contact me through email or MySpace:

Email: tuckermax@gmail.com
Myspace: Tucker on MySpace

--Assholes Finish First release date has been pushed back to Fall of 2008. This is because:

--There is a movie in the works. It's going to be pretty much exactly what you would expect in a Tucker Max movie. As soon as I have a solid deal to announce, I will give you guys all the details.

I have a ton of other things going on, and at the appropriate time they will all be drop. Just be patient and it'll all come in time.

Until then, everyone is invited to come drink with me in Vegas next weekend. I know some of the guys who own and run the McFadden's chain of bars, and they have asked me to come to the opening of the new one in Vegas. This is not really an "official public appearance" by me, I am just going as a friend, but I will be there all three nights. The info:

Dates: January, 24th, 25th, 26th

Location: McFadden's in The Rio Hotel

Time: Doors open every night at 9pm.

I am permanently moving to Los Angeles.

I don't want to do it. I hate everything about LA except the weather. But at this point, I have to. There is no way around it. I have too many projects going here that require my presence. [No, I can't tell you about any of them yet, so don't ask. As soon as I can say something, I will. But trust me, I would NOT live here unless there was a real good reason.]

I move into my own place on June 1st, but I am already here and will be here until then. I am not even going back to NYC to pack, I am just shipping everything out to me.

To all LA people (or anyone familiar with the area):
What should I know? I DO NOT need job or Hollywood advice, and I know the neighborhood I want to live in, I am more looking for these things:

1. Good places to eat. Don't get me wrong, I love In-N-Out, Zankou's, and Roscoe's, but I feel like there has to be more to LA cuisine than those three.

2. Cool places to hang out. As far as I can tell, this is the worst drinking city in America. There are almost no real bars, I guess because no one drinks. Everyone just does pills or blow. It sucks. Coked out Laguna Beach wanna-be whores may look cool on MTV, but trust me, when they talk to you in person, you want to inflict spinal injuries on them.

3. Anything else I should know. There is always a bevy of local knowledge about every city that you can only learn by living there. I have been in LA enough to know some of it, but I feel like this place HAS to have more to it than what I am seeing, because what I am seeing SUCKS.

[And I give blanket permission to everyone: If you ever see me in a shiny shirt at Hyde hanging out with Brody Jenner and Joe Francis, please kick my ass. I have mocked those guys for years, and I'd rather cut off my nuts with safety scissors than become one of them. If I fall victim to the LA bullshit, I deserve to have my ass kicked.]

This is not at all unprecedented; books go back on the list after falling off all the time. But it is very rare for a book to go back on this for no reason other than word of mouth generated sales. I've had no big press, Oprah didn't pick me for her book club, and I haven't done anything related to the book for months.

I don't care what you've heard, take it from me: Paul is a great guy.

I guess this begs the question: How am I hanging out with Paul Wall? Long story short: Paul and I have a friend in common (Bill Dawes), and Bill recently did a USO tour to Iraq with Paul. On the trip, Paul told Bill how he wants to write a book, my name came up, and the next thing I know Paul Wall and I are talking about writing a book together. Anyway, I was in Austin this past weekend for SXSW, and Paul calls me:

Paul Wall: "Sup dawg."
Tucker: "What it do baby." [For real, this is what I said to Paul Wall. Even I laughed at myself.]
Paul: "Where you at?"
Tucker: "At the airport, about to go back to LA."
Paul: "Yo man, I'm doing a show in South Padre, why don't you come down?"
Tucker: "Get the fuck out of here...Seriously?"
Paul: "Yeah man, just catch a flight, it's only like a hour."

It would take me 1000 words to describe the absurd comedy that was my trip to South Padre, but the highlight was probably riding in a pimped-out Expedition with DJ Scribble and watching Fast and the Furious 3 on the screens in the back. For real, it's not possible to make this up.

Actually check that: The highlight of the night was having Paul give me a shout-out during his concert. If you were at Louie's Backyard in South Padre last night, you heard Paul say, "Where my boy Tucker Max at? Tucker in the house," right after the "Sittin Sidewayz" set.

Anyway, I am sitting in a hotel in South Padre right now, so I have to cut this short, but I will write more about all the things I skirted over later. It looks like I am going to be co-writing a book with Paul Wall, and I'm pretty excited about it.

Tucker signs deal with Comedy Central

A few things to note:

-Most importantly--and I cannot emphasize this enough to those not in the entertainment business--this does NOT mean I am automatically going to have a TV show. Comedy Central bought a pilot from me. Now I have to write it. If (and it is NOT certain) they like it, then they will decide to shoot it. Once it is shot, they will watch it and decide if they want to order a season. So as of right now, there are still two MAJOR steps left before this becomes a show that is on the air (if it even happens at all). Yeah, I am really excited to have this deal, but the show is not on the air until it is on the air.

-Second: I am really, really excited to work with Comedy Central. I have written extensively in the past about my problems with the entertainment business (print and TV), but after dealing with the executives at Comedy Central, I now understand why they've made such great shows: They are not only smart, but they are willing to take risks, and they genuinely care about making a great product. If you aren't in the business, you can't conceive of how rare that combination of traits is in a network, but take my word for it: IT IS.

-Over the next 2-6 months, pretty much all my time will be consumed with working on this show, and on my next book, Assholes Finish First. Because of that, I am going to tell you right now to spare you the emails, there will probably be no more stories for a while. If you don't want to keep checking back for new stuff, the best thing for you to do is either sign up for my RSS feed, or my email list, and I'll send out something when I release something new, or--god willing--the show gets picked up:

Sign up for my RSS feed here

Sign up for my email list here.

-I will answer all questions about the deal here, on this thread on my message board. There isn't much to say about it beyond what Variety and I have said, but I am sure I'll get about 1000 emails anyway.

Where can I buy Belligerence and Debauchery and The Definitive Book of Pick-Up Lines?
You can't. They are out of print, on purpose. I took B&D out of print because it was nothing more than reprints of stories already on my site. I took The Definitive Book of Pick-Up Lines out of print because it was fairly amateurish, and I didn't want my name on it without substantially improving it. I think you can get these used in some places, but I would NOT recommend buying either. B&D is all on my site, and the pick-up line book is kinda crappy. Just go buy I Hope They Serve Beer In Hell, it's awesome.

Is I Hope They Serve Beer In Hell just the same stories from your site?
No. I've said this countless times, but some people have problems listening. IHTSBIH is 27 stories, 12 of which are brand new and cannot be found anywhere except the book (about 150 pages of the 277 page book is new). And they aren't crappy stories either; several of the new ones rank up there with the best stuff I have ever written.

You aren't so great. I would be just as cool/famous/rich as you if I had a trust fund also.
I don't understand this comment. Where have I ever said I have a trust fund? Shit, I WISH I had a fucking trust fund; I would love it if I had enough Fuck You Money to tell all these studios and publishers to kiss my ass. The last time my parents gave me money was in college. I got a scholarship to law school, took out loans to pay for my living expenses, and ran up massive credit card debt to fuel my adventures (that I still haven't paid off). When I first put up my site I worked bullshit odd jobs to make enough money to live, and then once my site blew up and I put ads on it, now I make a pretty decent amount from that, and OK money from the book sales and other projects I have in the works. Everything I have, I earned through hard work and smart strategy. But seriously--if any of you know of any trust fund with my name on it, show me where it is. I'll even give you a finders fee.

Hey Tucker, can you help me with this problem, you see [insert lame ass high school/college issue].
Look people, I really do appreciate emails and feedback, but I do not have the time to personally answer the dozens of requests for help I get each day, especially the retarded relationship questions I get from 15 year olds. Beyond that, I am just some random dude who writes funny stories. Why do people ask me things like how to make enough money to afford medical care for their crippled sister (a real email I got)? If you insist on asking me for advice, then at leat take the time to read my Advice Board first, it covers most of the things that I know enough to give advice about, like fucking, drinking, and writing.

How many STD's do you have/do you have AIDS? You MUST have a bunch because of all the sex you have.
This question always cracks me up. People, I am not going to get into a lecture about sexually transmitted diseases, but be careful who you believe. A lot of the info you find on this subject comes from sources with an agenda (e.g. religious groups, conservative abstinence groups, etc). But no, I do not have any STD's that I know of, and yes, I get tested regularly. It's actually pretty easy to avoid STD's if you just USE A FUCKING CONDOM. And tons of girls I fuck get tested after fucking me, and none has ever come up positive for anything. Well, unless you count pregnancy as an STD.

I was at the gym when I got this text message from my buddy DrunkasaurusRex. He likes to play with my emotions, so I never take his text messages seriously:

5:51pm DrunkRex: There is a midget convention at the hilton in milwaukee here with my girlfriend and [soylentgreen] is here too.

5:52pm Tucker: Fuck you

5:53pm Drunkrex: Im dead serious

5:54pm Tucker: I hate you

5:56pm Drunkrex: Soylent has a free roundtrip ticket

6:00pm Tucker: STOP TEASING

He called me a few minutes later, when I was at home, wiping off the sweat and about to cook dinner.

DrunkRex "Did you get my message? I am in Milwaukee with my girlfriend...and there is a midget convention in town this weekend."
Tucker "I got your fucking message. Come on man, stop playing."
DrunkRex "Tucker, I am DEAD serious. They are everywhere. It's like the circus and The Wizard of Oz are in town at the same time. I swear on my life there are hundreds of midgets here."
[10 second pause]
Tucker "I am on the next flight."