Hilarity Ensues In Stores

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Assholes Finish First book/tour update

First off, I want to thank all my fans for their support. I say this all the time and I mean it: I may be an asshole, but I love my fans, because without all of you, I couldn’t do this. So thanks again for your amazing support.

Fan response: One week into the release of the book, and the fan response has been great. It’s not easy to follow up a classic like IHTSBIH, but it looks like people are loving AFF even more than I could have hoped. There have been so many good/funny things, but I’m on tour so I don’t have time to respond to most of them; I’ll sit down and post the best fan reviews later this month. My favorite so far, “If IHTSBIH was a level three sex offender, Assholes Finish First is the Catholic Church.”

Sales: S&S doesn’t want me to disclose specific sales numbers, but I can say that they are extremely good, good enough that the book will debut at #3 on the NY Times Hardcover Nonfiction Best Seller List. I was beaten out by Jon Stewart’s new book, and the Bob Woodward tell-all about Obama. I’m OK with following those two media giants (and by the way, IHTSBIH is STILL on the paperback list, almost five years after it came out).

Audiobook:
I forgot to mention this in my last post, but the audiobook is available. Buy it on Amazon, Borders, B&N, or Audible.com. I recorded the audio book, btw, just like I did for IHTSBIH.

IHTSBIH hardcover: I also forgot to mention that my old publisher released a limited edition hard cover of IHTSBIH. This is the first time it’s ever been in hardcover, but it’s a run of 30k only, and not only that–I actually signed EVERY SINGLE FUCKING COPY. Here are the pictures of the inserts that were sent to my apartment to sign. I put my dog in them so you could get perspective on the number of inserts I had to sign (she’s a 50 pound mutt, btw). I signed 1000 of these a day for a MONTH. It was ridiculous, but they are all signed by me, every single one.

Quotes: Judging by what people are posting on Twitter and Facebook, AFF is just as quotable as IHTSBIH. I have set up a quote page on my site, where people can submit their own favorite quotes from the book, so feel free to add yours.

Price: Some people have complained about the price of AFF. It is listed at $25, and with tax, that can be nearly $30 at bookstores. I understand that’s very high, and some people can’t afford it. If price is an issue to you, my suggestion would be to either buy it from Amazon (about $15, same price as a paperback), or buy it on the Kindle or on iBooks (both $12.99).

The Book Tour: So far the tour has been great, but I am getting some of the same questions at each stop:

1. Who my assistant is: My tour assistant is Brittney Cason. I left my regular assistant, Ian Claudius, in Austin, mainly because he has a new puppy, but also because I wanted a girl with me on this tour–for many reasons, some of which I am sure you can guess after reading the second half of AFF. And to answer the question I get at every stop: WE ARE NOT FUCKING. If you are a girl and want to hit on me in front of her, please do. I have never slept with her, am not currently sleeping with her, nor will I ever sleep with her. But fellas, she’s single, so please feel free to hit on her if you want. I don’t shit where I eat, but you’re welcome to.

2. Protestors: It’s kinda sad; my protestors are getting really lazy. So far they’ve only shown up at the Boston stop, and only left this lame sign.

3. Going to a signing: I’ll say this again: YOU DO NOT HAVE TO BUY THE BOOK AT THE STORE TO COME TO THE SIGNING. Anyone can come to any signing, and get pictures, have me sign an old book, whatever. Anyone can get in line at any signing, and if ANYONE tells you different, come find me at the signing and I’ll make sure it’s taken care of.

3. Biggest question I’m getting on the tour: I think maybe it was inspired by the guest piece I wrote for Tim Ferriss’ blog, or about the part in AFF where I wrote about how broke I was when I first started writing, but for whatever reason, I have gotten a ton of questions from people about the specifics of becoming or being a writer. I am on tour right now, so I can’t really sit down and write something comprehensive about this, but when I get back to Austin, I’ll do that. I think most people have a very wrong idea of what it takes to be a professional writer, why they should do it, and how they should do it, and that’s been made very clear through the questions I’m getting, so I’ll try to do a comprehensive piece about that soon.