This is also posted on the production blog, but I thought I'd put it here also:

The question I have gotten the most since I put this blog up has been, "How can I be in the movie?" The speaking roles are already cast with real actors, but we have a ton of parts to fill for non-speaking roles, also known as "extras." These roles will be filled by professional extras who are hired for our movie by the Extras Casting Director.

That leaves pretty much nothing left, and that was on purpose. At first, I had no intention of opening the casting of any roles, extras or speaking, to the general public. Although the majority of my fans and readers are great, there are enough of the weirdos, trolls and stalkers out there that I didn't want to be bothered having to deal with that crap. One rotten apple spoiling the bunch, etc.

But then I thought to myself--why let those dipshits ruin everyone elses fun? It's like responding to terrorism by removing the freedoms of the people you are trying to protect--once you do that, the terrorists have won anyway. Besides, my fans have given so much to me in so many ways, I figure its only fair to try to give something back by letting those who are interested be involved, even in a small way, in my movie. So, even though most of our extras will be cast the normal way, I have decided to open up some of the extras casting to my fans and readers. If you want to be an extra on the movie, here is how the process will work. Follow the instructions EXACTLY:

1. Send an email to this address: bihextras@gmail.com

2. Put "Beer In Hell Extra" in the subject line

3. Put your name and contact info in the body of the email.

4. Attach at least TWO pictures of yourself (the more the better). They need to be recent, clear and preferably only you. If the pics each have ten people in them, we aren't going to spend the time figuring out which person you are.

From those emails, me and my assistants will look at them and forward the ones who we may be able to use for a scene or scenes to the extras casting director, and if he agrees, he will contact you about being an extra. A few things:

-Please don't get your hopes up. Chances of being selected are low, especially if you are a guy. Male extras are easy to find. Being female helps you, and being a hot female really helps. [If you are a really hot female with a great body, can dance, and are willing to do topless--definitely send an email. We have a big strip club scene to fill, and your chances of being selected are good.]

-Don't do this expecting to hang out with me or anything like that. You may never even meet me, because you may be in a scene that shoots when I'm not on set. [Obviously if you are a hot girl and want to hang out, that can easily be arranged, but email me separately from the extras thing and we'll figure it out: tuckermax@gmail.com]

-We only shoot Monday-Friday, so please don't expect to do this on a weekend trip.

-If you get selected, we won't pay for your travel here (we're shooting in Shreveport, Louisiana) or for your hotel or anything like that. You are on your own. There is food on set during shooting though, and you can have some of that.

-But, if you are selected, you DO get paid. It's not much--I think it might be minimum wage--but it's something.

-I want to be clear about this--being an extra is not glamorous. There is a lot of standing around and waiting and being bored, all for the chance to be in the background of a shot that might not even be in the movie. We aren't going to treat extras like shit the way they do on other movie sets, but you definitely won't be the stars. For the most part, you are expected to do exactly as you're asked, be quiet when not being spoken to, and be ready when you're told.

-That being said, it is not unheard of for an extra to be on-set promoted up to a speaking part. It is rare, but it has happened. In fact, our director has done it on his other films.

If you know and accept all that, and still want to be involved, follow the instructions above, and good luck.

In case you didn't know, I am making a movie. The guys who did Donnie Darko are helping me to produce it, and we are documenting the whole making of process on the blog, as well as with pics and video:

The Official I Hope They Serve Beer In Hell production blog

The Official I Hope They Serve Beer In Hell Flickr photostream

The Official I Hope They Serve Beer In Hell YouTube channel

We start shooting on July 21st, and I am going to post tomorrow about how people can become extras on the movie if they want.

Stay tuned.

We gave THR the scoop so we could get great placement, but the official announcement I have been talking about for months and months is finally here:

There is going to be a Tucker Max movie.

It's going to be called I Hope They Serve Beer In Hell.

The script was written by me and Nils Parker.

It's a fictional story, but is based very heavily on the true stories from the book and website.

There are three male leads, one that is based on me (Tucker Max), one that's based on SlingBlade, and one that is a combination of PWJ, El Bingeroso, and Golden Boy. An actor is going to play the character based on me, but his name in the movie will be Tucker Max.

I have already started a blog about the movie, and have a ton of posts about what we've done so far. The archive is here, just start at the bottom and read up.

Sadly, it's not all good news:

Bad News #1 - Assholes Finish First delayed:

The release date of Assholes Finish First was originally fall 2008. I have pushed it back a year so it will coincide with the movie release.

Bad News #2 - This site won't be updated with new stories until the movie and the book come out:

The next year is going to be insanely hectic for me. Creating a feature film is no joke--it is a full time job and then some, so partying and what not has to take a back seat to my movie and book responsibilities, so I don't want anyone to check my site looking for new stories. There won't be any new ones until after both the book and the movie are out.

A few things:

-The official announcement about my movie is coming this week, probably Thursday (but maybe later). I'll announce the director we've attached, give all the details, etc. It's going to be awesome.

-I am giving a speech on March 3rd, at my grad school alma mater, Duke University. 8pm at Page Auditorium. All are welcome.

-I leave the next day for Houston, where I'll spend a week working on a book with the rapper, Paul Wall.

-I have another speech at Northeastern Univ. in Boston coming up on March 24th. I'll post the detailed info when I get it.

-My buddy started a clothing company, check it out if you like MMA shirts and that kind of stuff.

I know it seems like I've been off the grid for the past few months, but the opposite is true; I have been working harder than I've ever worked in my life. To answer a few questions I am constantly getting:

--Assholes Finish First release date has been pushed back to Fall of 2008. This is because:

--There is a movie in the works. It's going to be pretty much exactly what you would expect in a Tucker Max movie. As soon as I have a solid deal to announce, I will give you guys all the details.

I have a ton of other things going on, and at the appropriate time they will all be drop. Just be patient and it'll all come in time.

Until then, everyone is invited to come drink with me in Vegas next weekend. I know some of the guys who own and run the McFadden's chain of bars, and they have asked me to come to the opening of the new one in Vegas. This is not really an "official public appearance" by me, I am just going as a friend, but I will be there all three nights. The info:

Dates: January, 24th, 25th, 26th

Location: McFadden's in The Rio Hotel

Time: Doors open every night at 9pm.

I said I wouldn't do it. I swore oaths to gods I didn't believe in. I made ridiculous bets against it, taking any odds. I promised to self-immolate if it happened...and now it's a reality.

I am permanently moving to Los Angeles.

I don't want to do it. I hate everything about LA except the weather. But at this point, I have to. There is no way around it. I have too many projects going here that require my presence. [No, I can't tell you about any of them yet, so don't ask. As soon as I can say something, I will. But trust me, I would NOT live here unless there was a real good reason.]

I move into my own place on June 1st, but I am already here and will be here until then. I am not even going back to NYC to pack, I am just shipping everything out to me.

To all LA people (or anyone familiar with the area):
What should I know? I DO NOT need job or Hollywood advice, and I know the neighborhood I want to live in, I am more looking for these things:

1. Good places to eat. Don't get me wrong, I love In-N-Out, Zankou's, and Roscoe's, but I feel like there has to be more to LA cuisine than those three.

2. Cool places to hang out. As far as I can tell, this is the worst drinking city in America. There are almost no real bars, I guess because no one drinks. Everyone just does pills or blow. It sucks. Coked out Laguna Beach wanna-be whores may look cool on MTV, but trust me, when they talk to you in person, you want to inflict spinal injuries on them.

3. Anything else I should know. There is always a bevy of local knowledge about every city that you can only learn by living there. I have been in LA enough to know some of it, but I feel like this place HAS to have more to it than what I am seeing, because what I am seeing SUCKS.

[And I give blanket permission to everyone: If you ever see me in a shiny shirt at Hyde hanging out with Brody Jenner and Joe Francis, please kick my ass. I have mocked those guys for years, and I'd rather cut off my nuts with safety scissors than become one of them. If I fall victim to the LA bullshit, I deserve to have my ass kicked.]

My book spent two weeks on the New York Times Best Seller list during the first month it came out. It is now 16 months after my book first hit the list...and now it is BACK on the list. (#26 on paperback non-fiction).

This is not at all unprecedented; books go back on the list after falling off all the time. But it is very rare for a book to go back on this for no reason other than word of mouth generated sales. I've had no big press, Oprah didn't pick me for her book club, and I haven't done anything related to the book for months.

OK, so I know this kinda comes out of nowhere, but I am so impressed I had to post about this: Paul Wall is one of the most solid people I have ever met in my life. I have met and hung out with a lot of famous people, but I've never seen a real celebrity be so genuine, so accommodating to fans, so polite to everyone who approached him, and just so humble and gracious about everything. He handles the crush of being famous with a smile on his face and a humility that is amazing. Paul is one of those people who makes you say to yourself, "He's dealing with more shit than me, and has a better attitude about it. Why can't I be like that?"

I don't care what you've heard, take it from me: Paul is a great guy.

I guess this begs the question: How am I hanging out with Paul Wall? Long story short: Paul and I have a friend in common (Bill Dawes), and Bill recently did a USO tour to Iraq with Paul. On the trip, Paul told Bill how he wants to write a book, my name came up, and the next thing I know Paul Wall and I are talking about writing a book together. Anyway, I was in Austin this past weekend for SXSW, and Paul calls me:

Paul Wall: "Sup dawg."
Tucker: "What it do baby." [For real, this is what I said to Paul Wall. Even I laughed at myself.]
Paul: "Where you at?"
Tucker: "At the airport, about to go back to LA."
Paul: "Yo man, I'm doing a show in South Padre, why don't you come down?"
Tucker: "Get the fuck out of here...Seriously?"
Paul: "Yeah man, just catch a flight, it's only like a hour."

It would take me 1000 words to describe the absurd comedy that was my trip to South Padre, but the highlight was probably riding in a pimped-out Expedition with DJ Scribble and watching Fast and the Furious 3 on the screens in the back. For real, it's not possible to make this up.

Actually check that: The highlight of the night was having Paul give me a shout-out during his concert. If you were at Louie's Backyard in South Padre last night, you heard Paul say, "Where my boy Tucker Max at? Tucker in the house," right after the "Sittin Sidewayz" set.

Anyway, I am sitting in a hotel in South Padre right now, so I have to cut this short, but I will write more about all the things I skirted over later. It looks like I am going to be co-writing a book with Paul Wall, and I'm pretty excited about it.

Fucking finally. I have been waiting to announce this for about two months, but I wanted to wait until it was in an "official" publication. This is the answer to why I haven't been posting anything new since April (because I have been working on this--and related things--since then):

Tucker signs deal with Comedy Central

A few things to note:

-Most importantly--and I cannot emphasize this enough to those not in the entertainment business--this does NOT mean I am automatically going to have a TV show. Comedy Central bought a pilot from me. Now I have to write it. If (and it is NOT certain) they like it, then they will decide to shoot it. Once it is shot, they will watch it and decide if they want to order a season. So as of right now, there are still two MAJOR steps left before this becomes a show that is on the air (if it even happens at all). Yeah, I am really excited to have this deal, but the show is not on the air until it is on the air.

-Second: I am really, really excited to work with Comedy Central. I have written extensively in the past about my problems with the entertainment business (print and TV), but after dealing with the executives at Comedy Central, I now understand why they've made such great shows: They are not only smart, but they are willing to take risks, and they genuinely care about making a great product. If you aren't in the business, you can't conceive of how rare that combination of traits is in a network, but take my word for it: IT IS.

-Over the next 2-6 months, pretty much all my time will be consumed with working on this show, and on my next book, Assholes Finish First. Because of that, I am going to tell you right now to spare you the emails, there will probably be no more stories for a while. If you don't want to keep checking back for new stuff, the best thing for you to do is either sign up for my RSS feed, or my email list, and I'll send out something when I release something new, or--god willing--the show gets picked up:

Sign up for my RSS feed here

Sign up for my email list here.

-I will answer all questions about the deal here, on this thread on my message board. There isn't much to say about it beyond what Variety and I have said, but I am sure I'll get about 1000 emails anyway.

Currently in Shreveport, LA, filming my movie. Hot girls always welcome to hang out: tuckermax@gmail.com

Here are some new things I just added to the FAQ, in response to the emails I keep getting:

Where can I buy Belligerence and Debauchery and The Definitive Book of Pick-Up Lines?
You can't. They are out of print, on purpose. I took B&D out of print because it was nothing more than reprints of stories already on my site. I took The Definitive Book of Pick-Up Lines out of print because it was fairly amateurish, and I didn't want my name on it without substantially improving it. I think you can get these used in some places, but I would NOT recommend buying either. B&D is all on my site, and the pick-up line book is kinda crappy. Just go buy I Hope They Serve Beer In Hell, it's awesome.

Is I Hope They Serve Beer In Hell just the same stories from your site?
No. I've said this countless times, but some people have problems listening. IHTSBIH is 27 stories, 12 of which are brand new and cannot be found anywhere except the book (about 150 pages of the 277 page book is new). And they aren't crappy stories either; several of the new ones rank up there with the best stuff I have ever written.

You aren't so great. I would be just as cool/famous/rich as you if I had a trust fund also.
I don't understand this comment. Where have I ever said I have a trust fund? Shit, I WISH I had a fucking trust fund; I would love it if I had enough Fuck You Money to tell all these studios and publishers to kiss my ass. The last time my parents gave me money was in college. I got a scholarship to law school, took out loans to pay for my living expenses, and ran up massive credit card debt to fuel my adventures (that I still haven't paid off). When I first put up my site I worked bullshit odd jobs to make enough money to live, and then once my site blew up and I put ads on it, now I make a pretty decent amount from that, and OK money from the book sales and other projects I have in the works. Everything I have, I earned through hard work and smart strategy. But seriously--if any of you know of any trust fund with my name on it, show me where it is. I'll even give you a finders fee.

Hey Tucker, can you help me with this problem, you see [insert lame ass high school/college issue].
Look people, I really do appreciate emails and feedback, but I do not have the time to personally answer the dozens of requests for help I get each day, especially the retarded relationship questions I get from 15 year olds. Beyond that, I am just some random dude who writes funny stories. Why do people ask me things like how to make enough money to afford medical care for their crippled sister (a real email I got)? If you insist on asking me for advice, then at leat take the time to read my Advice Board first, it covers most of the things that I know enough to give advice about, like fucking, drinking, and writing.

How many STD's do you have/do you have AIDS? You MUST have a bunch because of all the sex you have.
This question always cracks me up. People, I am not going to get into a lecture about sexually transmitted diseases, but be careful who you believe. A lot of the info you find on this subject comes from sources with an agenda (e.g. religious groups, conservative abstinence groups, etc). But no, I do not have any STD's that I know of, and yes, I get tested regularly. It's actually pretty easy to avoid STD's if you just USE A FUCKING CONDOM. And tons of girls I fuck get tested after fucking me, and none has ever come up positive for anything. Well, unless you count pregnancy as an STD.

I try to keep all the "Tucker, you've changed my life!" bullshit off of here, but every now and then I get an email that really gets to me. This is one, posted verbatim:

"hey tucker,
im a platoon leader of forty rough and tough infantrymen here in the great country of iraq. a friend of mine (a girl) back home sent me your book and i loved every page, so much so that i passed it on to my men with the understanding that as each soldier finished it he'd have to pass it on. so what, right? well the last soldier who read it, Spc. [name removed], a goofy little guy who is not even a US citizen yet, finished it two days ago, one day ago an insurgent rocket crashed through the gym he was working out in, severly injuring both arms and causing small wounds all over the rest of his body. his thumb on his left hand was practically ripped off. as he was being stabilized, the morphine was getting to him so he was mostly worried about his ability to play halo in the future but he also wanted me to make sure the book got passed on. that was my last conversation before we took him on a stretcher to a waiting blackhawk that carried him out of our lives.

Hes on his way to germany now then the States where he will recieve his citizen ship (automatic after being wounded) and learn to use his hands again. im not trying to sell a sob story but i want you to know u've got fans over here and some of us are gettin messed up. anyways, keep writin the great stories and maybe we'll catch you in austin some day

[Name Removed]
[Unit details removed]
Fort Hood TX"

I have been getting a ton of email and what not about this new movie, "John Tucker Must Die." Lots of people seem to think that because my name is in the title, and the movie is about a player, then it must be ripped from my life and that I should sue Hollywood for all they have.

People, there is such thing as coincidence. But let's examine the plots points of the movie, and see how they correlate to my life:

John Tucker = His story is set in high school
Tucker Max = Has yet to write a single story about high school

John Tucker = Playboy who cheats on several girls
Tucker Max = Asshole who makes a point of being honest with girls

John Tucker = According to the trailer, he lost his virginity to the prom queen and the homecoming queen on the same night.
Tucker Max = What fucking retard wrote that line? Is Hollywood that out of touch with reality?

John Tucker = Metro who wears all the right clothes and uses way too much product
Tucker Max = Wears tshirts and has never used product in his life

John Tucker = Triumphs over superior athletes in completely unrealistic basketball scenes
Tucker Max = Has played basketball against superior athletes, and in a very realistic fashion, was soundly beaten by them

John Tucker = Gets owned in the least imaginative way possible by three high school girls
Tucker Max = Please. If I ever let three teenage girls get the best of me, I'll just fucking retire. That being said, I have been owned by post-op tranny's, embarassed post-college lovers, and other assorted scorned women. But at least they weren't Hollywood high school creations.

So PoopLips from the ass licking story came over just now. She came me some unreal head (and some rim action too, of course):

Tucker "Seriously, you keep sucking dick like that, and you are going to have a husband in no time."

She feigned anger, but you could tell she was proud of herself.

PoopLips "Seriously, kill yourself. Whatever, you know I am very smart."
Tucker "Who said you weren't? Intelligence and fellatio skills are not mutually exclusive."
PoopLips "I know, if I wanted to I could be all successful and whatever, but all I really want is to have a family and be a stay at home mom."
Tucker "You going to kiss your kids with that mouth?"

Gentlemen, I will not tell you who PoopLips is, but for one of you, she's going to be kissing your kids. On the mouth.

Edit: A few funny follow-ups I forgot:

-She wore a pearl necklace to my place tonight. Like, a real piece of jewelry pearl necklace. She then later told me that no one had ever "come on [her]." I wonder what she wants me to do next?

-She no longer maintains that she didn't eat my ass that first night, since she has done it twice since. Now she has moved on to maintaining that I am the first guy she's ever done this with...of course it is.

Yesterday I took one girl's vaginal virginity, and then a different girl's anal virginity. If I could only have had an oral virgin and got a blowjob from her, I'd have hit for the Virginity Cycle in one day with three different girls. That's something you can put on your resume.

NOTE: Midget story is half done and on it's way, I promise. I have been super busy this past week, but the wait on this one will be worth it, trust me.

Last night I met a girl out. She was really cute, and had emailed me because she wanted to "do my laundry." I guess she decided the best way to accomplish this was to meet me out at a bar.

Anyway, after about 2-3 hours of drinking she finally got up the courage to admit to herself why she was out with me, and we went back to my place to fuck.

We make out at the front door for about a minute or two, drunkenly stumble in, throw clothes everywhere, and she pushes me on the bed, gives me one more peck on the lips, then goes down on me...skipping past my penis, and totally ignoring the balls...and starts feasting on my butt buffet. Seriously, I don't think a colonic would have cleaned my ass any better than her tongue did. I am not complaining, she was a fucking expert, jacking me off at the same time and working her tongue around like a lesbian porn star. Of course, all I could think about was how many guys she's done this to before if she's so eager to do it to me, but whatever.

This morning, I roll her over for morning sex, and when we are done, I jokingly call her "poop lips." She doesn't understand why.

Tucker "Uhhhhhh...are you the same girl as last night?"
Poop lips "Please die. Of course I am the same girl, DUH!"
Tucker "Do you not remember licking my ass like it was a Tootsie Pop?"
Poop lips "OH MY GOD I DID NOT!"

Of course you didn't. After all, if you "don't remember" it, than it didn't happen, right?

I wrote a general defense of "fratire" for the Huffington Post. It has many of the same points as the review of the Alphabet of Manliness I posted yesterday:

Tucker's Huffington Post Piece

This is my "official" review of The Alphabet of Manliness, which debuted today at #4 on the NY Times Best Seller List. Congrats Maddox, you deserve it brother:

Like many people I first heard of Maddox in October of 2002, when his pieces about children's artwork hit the mainstream. Before I got around to checking his site, I probably received 60 emails referencing him in the course of a week. Like any repetitive forward, this immediately became annoying, and almost as an act of spite I refused to even look at the site or read why he thought he was better than my children.

It took me two weeks before I stopped angrily deleting forwards with subject lines like "Maddox iz hiLaRiouS, LOLZ!!", and another week before I actually looked at his site. As soon as I saw the children's rendering of a fuzzy looking fire truck with this caption attached, "Ding Ding! Here comes the shit-mobile. I've never seen a fire truck that needed to be shaved. I would rather be burned to death than be saved by this hairy piece of shit," I was irreversibly hooked. Since then I have read, and often re-read, virtually every piece on his site, and I unapologetically consider myself a Maddox fan.

Writing a review of "The Alphabet of Manliness," I have to first get the most important thing out of the way: Reassuring his fans. If you are a regular reader of the website, please do not expect that the book will be exactly like his site. Maddox is an artist and an innovator, and he continues in that spirit in this book. Do not worry though; whatever issues you may have with the departure from his standard format will evaporate when you read paragraphs like this one on the greatness of hot sauce:

"The baby seemed like he was loving [the hot sauce] at first, but suddenly he started crying, so I did what I always do when babies cry: I put him in the garbage can. His mom started yelling and screaming, then she tried to punch me, so I stepped to the side and she accidentally tripped and fell down four flights of stairs, and then she accidentally got peed on."

The entire book is like the above paragraph: hilariously blunt, geniously subtle, and at all times thoroughly Maddox. Even my 64-year-old father laughed out loud repeatedly when he was reading this book, and if he can recognize the genius in "The Alphabet of Manliness," then so can Maddox's hard core fans.

I didn't write this review to tell Maddox's fans that his book is going to be awesome. This is something they should already know. I didn't really even write this review to explain the book to a non-Maddox fan; you can go to The Best Page in The Universe and read some of his site, and get the gist of his writing there. I am writing this because I think "The Alphabet of Manliness" is not only a work of brilliance, but I believe that it represents the vanguard of a new social movement, and I want to make sure that at least one review recognizes and celebrates this.

Some people will call this book immature "male" humor. They will call it sexist. It will be referred to as racist, homophobic, misogynistic and every other evil "-ist" and "-ic" term that that PC police use to bombard everything that is truly funny. I am here to tell you that they will all be wrong.

To begin, though the book is written with a male audience in mind, asserting that this book is only for men is ridiculous. At least a third of Maddox's fans are women. That might not sound like a lot, until you realize that he gets almost 5 million visitors a month to his site. Maddox himself gives the best answer to this assertion, "I would say that [this book] is only for men the same way that lesbian porn sites in the internet are only for women."

But more importantly, to see this book in any sort of sexist or misogynistic or homophobic light is to miss the entire point of Maddox's humor. Maddox is just the pen name for a real person, George Ouzounian. George created the Maddox persona many years ago as a sort of alter ego for him to be all the things on the internet that he couldn't realistically be in his life, i.e., an ass-kicking pirate with tabasco sauce for blood who eats beef jerky for every meal. Though the rants on his website and book closely track his real life beliefs, they are not 100% aligned. Of course he doesn't think women should be randomly groped, nor does he believe that children should be beaten, and of course he doesn't think that pirates shit leprechauns.

Maddox is a caricature. The opinions he holds are purposefully exaggerated, in some cases to draw attention to their absurdity and derive humor from it, in other cases to mock the opposite position. Maddox is misogynist like Stephen Colbert is ultra conservative, or Sarah Silverman is anti-semitic. This is one of the classic faces of comedy: the comedian pretends to be the most exaggerated version of something, taking an idea to its logical extreme in order to show its absurdity and thus mock it completely. Carol O'Connor did the same thing brilliantly with his Archie Bunker character in All In The Family. With these types of comedians, you are never exactly sure where their opinions end and the opinions that they are mocking begin, and in toeing that line comes the real humor. Some things they say are so absurd that no one would agree with them, but you find yourself laughing more at the taboo.

Though he does make many absurd statements in his book, Maddox is not mocking masculinity. In fact, quite the opposite, he represents the vanguard of a larger social movement: making masculinity masculine again. Warren St. John called the writers leading this new movement "fratire." I hate that name, simply because not one of the writers he profiled in his article (Maddox, Robert Hamburger, Neil Strauss, Frank Rich and myself) was in a fraternity, and beyond that, it is much larger than just a literary movement. I prefer to call it The New Masculinity. Did you ever think you'd read a brief history of feminism written by Tucker Max? Well, you're about to:

To understand where current culture is, you need to understand how we got here. Feminism came in three "waves"; 1st Wave, which was suffrage (the right to vote), 2nd Wave, which was the 60's and 70's sexual and social revolution fought for inclusion, and 3rd Wave, which is what we have now. It emphasizes freedom of choice for women regardless of what decision they make. Thus it endorses everything from porn to girly culture (in addition to a bunch of post modern horseshit which is irrelevant to any intelligent discussion, much less this one).

Of course, First Wave feminism was a substantial human advancement. Aside from universal suffrage, only the rule of law and the scientific method have done more to advance the human condition. Second Wave feminism was also necessary at the time. It threw off the stifling societal bonds limiting women's ability to be who they wanted to be and advance in fields they choose. However, Second Wave feminism went too far in some ways.

While many women did want to take advantage of the new paths available to them and become scientists or CEO's, many did not, and they didn't enjoy feeling like failures simply because they chose to be stay-at-home moms or strippers or whatever. The same was true for their sexuality. Because the Second Wave feminists fought for sexual equality against a patriarchal system that objectified them, as a result they held women to a standard of acting in accord with the gains they had won. But the Third Wave feminists did not want another set of rules, they wanted personal freedom, and some of them preferred the option of alternate sexual mores like bi-sexuality and slutiness.

This is why Third Wave feminism arose; it was a reaction against the oppression of the Second Wave. Plainly put, the Second Wave feminists were Jane Pauley and Gloria Steinem, and the Third Wave feminists were Britney Spears, Suicide Girls and Margaret Cho.

Why does any of this matter? Because feminism did not evolve in a vacuum. It interacted with and affected masculinity. Entire books could be written about this, but in short, men--especially in the media--reacted to Second Wave feminism by emasculating themselves and adopting a PC attitude that apologizes for nothing more than men being men. This attitude peaked in the early 90's (around the same time that Third Wave feminism started). The idea that men had to pay not only for the sins of our fathers, but had to suffer for simply being a man became pervasive in mainstream media.

[I would go so far as to say that many feminists, especially Second Wave feminists, actually HATE women. Not the minority of women who agree with them, but the majority of actual women in the world, the ones who wax their legs and wear high heels, who distance themselves from radical feminism and actually like men. The hard-core Second Wave feminists think so little of women that they are compelled to control them, tell them what's acceptable to read or enjoy or think is funny and dictate whom it's permissable to be attracted to, i.e. to tell them that they are supposed to hate Maddox and I because we aren't pussy-whipped sychophants. Well fuck that. It is not an accident that at 30-40% of our fans are women. Ladies, unlike the feminist illuminati who disparage your personal choices when they don't fall into line with their radical views, I will not ignore and disregard your decisions. I am glad you are reading and I personally welcome you as fans.]

When any pendulum swings too far to one side, it eventually has to start coming back. The first major player to refuse to buckle to this trend was Howard Stern. The demand for such a voice was so strong that by simply refusing to kowtow to the PC police, he became the "King of All Media." This is where fratire comes in. While Maddox and I are not Howard Stern, we do represent some of the first internet players in this post-PC, and fratire as a genre represents the non-mainstream reaction to the feminization of masculinity.

Jimmy Iovine, founder of Interscope Records, when asked about his effect on the musical revolutions he helped create, said, "I'm as powerless to stop a revolution as I am to start one." The last thing I want to imply is that Maddox or I started this movement. We did not. We are another part of it, simply the right people in the right place at the right time. I am not the only person out there getting drunk and hooking up and unapologetically living my life the way I want to; I am just the first guy to write about it. Maddox is not the first pasty guy sitting in front of a computer in his mom's basement typing out angry rants against Orbitz and Cameron Diaz; he is just the best one doing it right now.

While masculinity is starting to slowly coming back into vogue, the fight is only beginning. The fact is, at this point in entertainment history, the 2nd Wave feminists are the gatekeepers of media. The women who grew up in the 60's are now in charge, and they quite literally run shit, and these 50-year-old women heading media companies have personal preferences that do not reflect many American attitudes. The fact is, people are hungry for someone to tell it like it actually is instead of how these people want it to be. They want men to act like men, but the old school doesn't get this yet. This is why people like Maddox and me had such a hard time getting published, and why we still have such a hard time getting mainstream media coverage, even though we have more monthly readers than almost any other entertainer in America, and more than most MAGAZINES. It's because we refused to bow before the PC gods and destroy our art to meet their ideological demands, we suffer.

Doors were shut in our faces, yet our books hit THEIR list, WITHOUT their help. They aren't in touch anymore, even forgetting the internet aspect of this discussion. Think about it: Could they pimp Ana Marie Cox (Wonkette) or Jessica Cutler (Washintonienne) anymore than they do? But their books FACEPLANTED. No sales. My book--by itself--has outsold both Wonkette and Washingtonienne...COMBINED. By a factor of three. And Maddox will outsell all of us put together. America is ready, America wants men who have the balls to stand up and be men, America is sick of being mothered and held down, and they are going to get it regardless of where it comes from.

This is not to imply that men's interests run counter to women's, or even that masculinity and feminism are mutually exclusive. They are not. Nor am I implying that feminism is bad, or that men are "superior" to women in some unspecified way. I agree with the basic tenet of feminism--that women are legally and morally equal to men--and I personally like women who are smart and can think for themselves and are independent.

None of that contradicts true masculinity, because masculinity is not about opposing feminity. It is our yin to their yang. Real men do not hate women; in fact, we want women to figure prominently in out lives. All we want is to stop being told that it's not OK to be a man. Men want to be men, and "The Alphabet of Manliness" is just that: A hilarious book about being a man.

NOTE: A modified version of this piece appeared in the Huffington Post. Instead of a review of AoM, it was a more generalized defense of "fratire" as a whole. Read it here.

According to a report in the Philadelphia Inquirer, Dimeo plans to appeal the massive judicial bitch slap he received. Wait for it.....

HAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

This is just awesome. I cannot believe what a tool this guy is. Seriously though Antnee, I'd like to thank you for staking out such an absurd position as to allow EVERYONE across the political spectrum, from left to right, to see me as a defender of the 1st Amendment and a hero of the internet. I already have one PR guy who does a great job, but I doubt I could hire anyone who could do for me what you have. And I love the ridiculously contradictory claims you make in the story. If you actually wrote that email...dude, you should hire a PR firm. I hear Renamity is looking for clients...oh wait.

Again, kudos to you. I love being the good guy.

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I WON BITCHES!!!! I BEAT THE EVER LOVING SHIT OUT OF ANTNEE DIMEO!! THE GOOD GUYS WON!!

The judge's decision is awesome. It has all the great elements: It quotes hilarious posts from my message board about Dimeo, it mocks and derides Dimeo and his dumbass lawyer, and most importantly it completely and totally reaffirms basically all the tenets of free speech that Dimeo was challenging. It is a 100% slam dunk victory for me, the The Tucker Max Message Board, for all of you, and for free speech on the internet. The best part is the last quote, it is fucking awesome:

"Here we do so by protecting the coarse conversation that, it appears, never ends on tuckermax.com"

Well, that or the part where a FEDERAL JUDGE quotes someone from my board using the phrase, "getting fisted by an angry gorilla" and "mold your face to what you think you would look like if a leper were about to take a shit in your mouth." Best. Legal. Decision. Ever.

The only bad part is that the judge did not issue sanctions against Weisberg. Oh well, I'll still take this huge victory.

Read the attached brief, it is really funny, even if you aren't a lawyer and don't get the complicated legal stuff, there are still gems in there. A very well written decision.

I will put everything on this together into one story at some point, but I just wanted to get my decisive and crushing victory over the lazy-eyed blueberry douchebag out there to the public.

Thanks to everyone who stood behind me and free speech, all of you were great and I genuinely appreciate the support.

EDIT: We are back to our neverending coarse speech, making fun of Dimeo again on the message board.

EDIT#2: I can't stop laughing imagining him stomping around his cheaply furnished apartment, one eye pointing south, the other one east, pouting and fuming over the fact that he didn't get his way, and now the mockery will never stop. It must not be very fun to suck so much that you feel like you have to SUE people who mock you, because you can't find any other way to make them stop.

I have a suggestion for Antnee: STOP BEING SUCH AN OFFICIOUS TOOL AND MAYBE EVERYONE WILL STOP MAKING FUN OF YOU.

But what do I know? My parties never run out of alcohol. Silly me.

.

One of my favorite pics.

Thanks to Paul, who sent this to me. Look me up when you get stateside, I'll buy you a beer.

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As you may know Anthony Dimeo is suing me:

One from today that has a quote by me

Here are two more articles about this:

The original news article

One from Friday (It slightly takes that hero quote of mine out of contest, but not that bad. I said that I was fighting this suit not just for me but to protect the 1st amendment, but that I wasn't a hero for doing it, I was just doing something that had to be done. I was trying to be humble, but I kinda suck at it)

And then a GREAT piece that fully explains why this lawsuit is such a big deal. If you care about free speech or the internet at all, I suggest you read this article, its good. [Also, the text of the actual complaint is linked on that site]

I list all the threads on my message board that are of issue here.

As of right now, I do not have any further specific comment on the case, aside from this:

There is no question that on an average day, I am a huge attention whore, but that is not what is going on here. This is not about me; this is a very serious legal matter, not just for me, but for the entire internet. The issues at stake here could potentially affect every single website and individual who posts on messageboards and chatrooms.

I try not to ask much of you people, but please send the relevant links/my blog post to anyone and everyone you can who has a site that could talk about this and publicize it, and if you have a website, please post about and publicize this case.

In defending my rights I will by proxy be defending everyone's free speech rights, and by writing about this you will be helping defend this cause. The more attention that we focus on this case, the better the chances that freedom will prevail and censorship will be beaten back.

Remember: I don't ask that you endorse me or my site, but only that you endorse the fight against censorship.

NOTE: The actual lawsuit (it is linked on the MyElectionAnaylsis.com post) lists an address for me. That is NOT my address, it is the address of the bar that I am an owner in, Vapor.

EDIT: This is Volokh's take on it.

I am fully moved into my apartment in NYC (around the area of 23rd and Madison), I have broken in my bed, and all my laundry is now clean (see two posts below). It's time to get back to work.

I had planned to launch several new things today, but I'm not going to. This isn't because I was lazy, but rather because I have been too busy to deal with anything except a somewhat pressing matter: I am being sued. Again.

I don't have any commentary on the case now, but by tomorrow I should have something to post, just stay tuned. This is going to get real good, real fast.

As for the other things on my calender, here is the tentative schedule:

March 19th: Put up the order form for people to get signed copies of my book.

March 25th: Officially launch FesteringAss and start taking applications for sites.

March 29th: Launch re-designs of all the FesteringAss sites.

April 2: Start taking applications for my first employee. [Once again, DO NOT email me about this now. I will post about it later]

Do these things when I can:
-post the complete Running Book Tour Story
-launch at least one new site, and possibly two more (one of them will be BunnySis's own site, one will be by a prison guard at a maximum security prison, and one will be a surprise, but its going to be really good.)
-Maybe get around to what this site is supposed to be about, ME WRITING STORIES ABOUT MY LIFE.

This is how you do an interview: Drunk at a frat house.

The Phat Phree Interview

BTW: You should check out the rest of Phat Phree, it's a funny site. And pay attention to Charlie and Mike (the guys that run it), they are going to be big very soon.

NOTE: I really did do that entire interview while sitting in the Phi Psi house at UVA signing books.

Starting on February 1st of 2006, I went on a book tour to promote my first book, "I Hope They Serve Beer In Hell." It was a 23 stop, 32 day book tour across the east, southest, and midwest. This was the schedule:

Wed, Feb 1st: Philadelphia (Penn)
Thu, Feb 2nd: Richmond (Downtown)
Fri, Feb 3rd: Durham/Chapel Hill (Southpoint Mall)
Sat, Feb 4th: Athens (UGA)
Sun, Feb 5th: Atlanta (GT)
Mon, Feb 6th: Gainesville (UF)
Tues, Feb 7th: Tallahassee (FSU)
Wed, Feb 8th: OFF
Thu, Feb 9th: Charlottesville (UVA)
Fri, Feb 10th: College Park (Maryland)
Sat, Feb 11th: Annapolis (Navy)
Sun, Feb 12th: Washington DC (GW)
Mon, Feb 13th: OFF
Tues, Feb 14th: OFF
Wed, Feb 15th: OFF
Thu, Feb 16th: Albany, NY (SUNY Albany)
Fri, Feb 17th: OFF
Sat, Feb 18th: Boston (BU)
Sun, Feb 19th: OFF
Mon, Feb 20th: OFF
Tues, Feb 21th: Pittsburgh, PA (Pitt)
Wed, Feb 22nd: Ann Arbor (Michigan)
Thu, Feb 23rd: East Lansing (MSU)
Fri, Feb 24th: Chicago (Downtown and the UC)
Sat, Feb 25th: Madison (Wisconsin)
Sun, Feb 26th: OFF
Mon, Feb 27th: OFF
Tues, Feb 28th: Champaign (Illinois)
Wed, Mar 1st: Bloomington (Indiana)
Thu, Mar 2nd: West Lafayette (Purdue)
Fri, Mar 3rd: Columbus (Ohio State)
Sat, Mar 4th: Athens, OH (Ohio U)
Sun, Mar 5th: Back to NYC

Continue reading "The Tucker Max Book Tour Running Update, Part 1"

If you haven't seen it, you should probably check out Phat Phree, it's a really funny site (they are the ones who did the "Look at my striped shirt" piece).

Anyway the guys who run it, Charlie DeMarco and Mike Polk, were in NYC this week doing stuff related to their upcoming book, so we got together for some beers. Some beers turned into me calling Charlie out because he was ordering new beers without finishing the ones he had, which led in turn to Charlie pounding a huge German beer, which led to quite the scene for old Charlie.

You see, whereas I am a professional drinker and can handle my liquor, Charlie--though he is a great guy--is a slightly built man of frail constitution, and apparently is quite inexperienced in the ways of the drink. This was the result:

Come on Charlie, hold your liquor! You can do it!
Well...maybe not.
Yes Charlie, I am getting a face shot for proof

Don't feel bad Charlie. Better men than you have done worse when called out by Tucker Max.

But to his credit, the dude rallied great. He cleaned himself up, sipped some water and went right on telling his ludicrous tall tales about "holding a job," "loving my wife" and "I swear I'm Italian, not Jewish." Riiiiiight, Charlie.

To the uneducated and superficial mind, my site might come off as little more than prurient humor. Some of my critics call me "bathroom humor" or "frat-boy fare" or even "tasteless trash." That's fine with me, I have never felt the need to defend myself against them or argue this point. My huge fanbase, wide influence and book sales speak for themselves. In fact, I kinda like the haters; they prove how big I have become. After all, no one takes shots at the anonymous and unimportant.

But what these people fail to see is that, whether you like me or not, whether you agree with me or not, my site and my writing represent much more than prurient humor to many people. The stories exist on many levels to some people, and there is a deeper meaning beyond just witty comebacks and mocking posers. What else is there? Instead of me writing what would inevitably be a pompous and absurd sounding treatise on the deeper meaning behind these stories, I am going to let the people who I have affected do it for me.

Here is a snap shot of two days of emails in my life. These are real emails from real people, printed completely unadulterated:

Continue reading "Tucker helps people. No, really."

From this point forward, every time anyone refers to me, it will be by my proper title:

New York Times Best Selling Author Tucker Max

Absolutely no bullshit--the list just came out for this week, and my book is on the paperback non-fiction list.

In the interest of full disclosure: I am all the way at the very bottom of the list. Most of the places that publish the NY Times Best Seller List only print 1 through 15, but the extended list does go all the way to 35...and this week, my book is at 34.

Granted, this is fucking awesome, but in a weird way. I feel like an undrafted free agent who just made an NFL team...on the practice squad.

NOTE: The list was literally released an hour ago, and I don't think it's officially public yet, so I am posting it here. I don't know when it'll be up on the NY Times site, but it should be soon (it's on the Extended Paperback Non-Fiction List.

Or download the pdf here

This isn't a traditional Tucker Max story, but damn...it is funny. My buddy MrJake just took this whole Canadian murdering-sisters-wanting-to-hook-up thing to a whole new level.

In short: Two sisters emailed me requesting an incestuous threesome, but couldn't go through with it because they were convicted of killing their mother. Just read the site, you'll understand:

Murdering Whores

Start at the bottom, and read up.

This is just completely insane and hilarious. I honestly don't know what to say about this.

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A real email:

"From: [person who works at Amazon]
To: tuckermax@gmail.com
Date: Oct 30, 2005 8:33 PM
Subject: wrong name on Amazon.com earns you another fan

Hey Tucker,

I discovered your site last week through the accident of my job. I manage the team at Amazon.com that collects and analyzes customer feedback. Browsing some comments I noticed several on your new book complaining that the author's name was reversed as "Max Tucker".

The title was intriguing so I googled around and found your site. I read the whole thing in just a couple of days. Fucking amazing!!! You have a unique combination of a great talent for both causing mayhem and just as importantly writing about it. Can't wait for the book to come out."

I keep getting emails about my two old books, and why they are no longer available on Amazon. Here is the deal:

I decided to take "The Definitive Book of Pick-up Lines" out of print, because I am going to issue a Second Edition that is revised and expanded in the spring.

As part of my deal with Kensington, I had to take "Belligerence and Debauchery" out of print, because it has like three stories that overlap with the new book. And to be honest, there is no reason to buy "Belligerence and Debauchery" anymore. All the stories on that book are on my site; it is the new book, "I Hope They Serve Beer in Hell" that will have all the new material I've written over the past year.

Everyone just wait until my new book comes out to buy anything. Even though it doesn't come out until January, it should be available for pre-order any day now, I will link to it as soon as the page is up on Amazon.

This cracks me up. A real email:

"Like most people who email you, you don't know me. You have never
heard of me, and you probably already know what I'm about to tell you
-- but in case you don't, I figured I would anyway.

I was recently reading some textbook material getting ready for my
upcoming semester at the University of Alberta, and came across this
gem.

So ends my procrastination, enjoy."

I promise, I did not write this, some girl sent it to me. She read this and thought it would be funny. For some reason, videotaping consent doesn't bother me, but having a girl sign that would just weird me out.

Though, for this to be accurate, you would have to change "Random Hot Girl" to "Random Girl." Sometimes Tucker drinks too much and makes bad decisions.

Whenever I post about traveling to another city, I get several emails from people asking if they can hang out with me. Sadly, most of these come from guys. Let me explain something to any guy thinking about sending me an email like that:

Unless I know you or we have a friend in common who can vouch for you, don't do it. You may be the king of your friends and get Tucker Max Drunk every night and fuck whores and call people fat and yell at bums. I don't care, chances are nearly 100% that you suck and I have no desire to hang out with you.

But jokes aside, you may actually be cool. You may be an awesome dude that if I knew I would be friends with. That is possible. But here is the problem: For every legitimately cool guy who wants to hangout, there are about 100 that are complete fucking tools emailing me. Take this email for example (I just got this like an hour ago):

Continue reading "Hanging out with guys"