I went to criminal court this morning, charged with driving with a suspended license, driving with expired registration, etc, etc. It was quite an interesting experience.
As anyone who has ever been to a criminal proceeding at a satellite court can attest, this is not the cream of society. I was 35th on the docket, so I got to witness all order of shenanigans before my name was called. One man was arrested for public drunkenness, and then showed up at his arraignment drunk. I took solace in that.
I was sitting directly behind my lawyer (ironically, with a "bar" between us) when the clerk yelled out, "Case 11-23, Tucker Max."
When I heard my name I could not help but burst out in laughter. For some reason, it was the funniest thing I had ever heard. Of course, this got dirty looks from my lawyer, looks that turn to horror when the judge says, "Son, stand up."
I stood up, and she asked me, "What is so funny?"
I looked around the court room and then said, "I'm very sorry your honor, but in law school I was voted Most Likely to Appear in Court as a Defendant, and, well, it looks like they were correct."
This sent the entire courtroom into laughter. Everyone, onlookers, prosecutor, clerk, cops, all began laughing. The judge though, was not laughing. She had a look of utter confusion on her face, that as soon as the court room quieted down, manifested itself as the question "YOU went to law school??"
At this, the courtroom again erupted into laughter, at which judge Kathleen Ireland (I swear that was her name) banged her gavel a few times. I simply nodded my head and replied in kind, to which she said, "WHAT law school did you go to? Did you graduate?"
I told her I did indeed graduate from Duke Law School. Judge Ireland expressed confusion and indignation at how a graduate of, in her words, "One of the best law schools on the planet," could have an expired drivers license, a car with expired tags, and outstanding, unpaid speeding tickets in two states.
My response: "You honor, I have problems with authority."
For those that care, I got off with a $50 fine and court costs. How? Let's just say that Tucker Luck was in effect, and the prosecutor was a fan of mine, and cut me a deal.
Sometimes being an Internet celebrity has it's privileges.
Posted by at 11:53 PM