Whoever invented cheap champagne...I hate you.
Whoever handed me that bottle of Cooks at 11:45 last night...I hate you.
Whoever drank that bottle of Cooks and took another bottle from someone else and drank theirs...I hate you--Wait, that was me. Nevermind.
Whoever introduced me to that goddamn stumpy midget girl who would not stop biting me....I hate you.
Whoever it was that called me and suggested I leave that party to go fuck another girl, who turned out to be nowhere near as good looking as I remembered from the drunken night I met her...I hate you.
Whoever her friend was that decided to have a fucking two hour Lincoln-Douglas debate with me before I could fuck her...I hate you.
Whoever it was that called me repeatedly to come over on NYE, yet played coy when I got there...I hate you.
Whatever...my fucking head hurts, and I am going back to bed. I hate everything right now.
Posted by Tucker Max at 9:03 PM