To the uneducated and superficial mind, my site might come off as little more than prurient humor. Some of my critics call me "bathroom humor" or "frat-boy fare" or even "tasteless trash." That's fine with me, I have never felt the need to defend myself against them or argue this point. My huge fanbase, wide influence and book sales speak for themselves. In fact, I kinda like the haters; they prove how big I have become. After all, no one takes shots at the anonymous and unimportant.

But what these people fail to see is that, whether you like me or not, whether you agree with me or not, my site and my writing represent much more than prurient humor to many people. The stories exist on many levels to some people, and there is a deeper meaning beyond just witty comebacks and mocking posers. What else is there? Instead of me writing what would inevitably be a pompous and absurd sounding treatise on the deeper meaning behind these stories, I am going to let the people who I have affected do it for me.

Here is a snap shot of two days of emails in my life. These are real emails from real people, printed completely unadulterated:

#1:
From: [redacted]
To: tuckermax@gmail.com
Date: Jan 26, 2006 4:38 PM
Subject: Not that I want to continue the dick sucking but...

Your site hasn't saved my life in the literal sense but it has prevented me from becoming a person I would despise.

I was always your typical shy kid, always thoroughly thinking out the recourse of my actions. This stifled my abilities socially, in school, and many other facets of my life.

After discovering your site at around 20 my life completely changed. I decided I wanted to be Tucker Max. Your life seem to be idealic. I immediately began going out all the time, frequenting bars, clubs (I initially thought you liked clubs), no longer caring what people said or thought about me, etc. I began getting exceedingly drunk, making jokes, making fun of people - the whole nine yards. However, I still found I wasn't having much fun. My actions were too forced.

Because this wasn't me. The biggest lesson you (and your site) taught me was that I, nor anyone else, could be you. We could only be the best version of ourselves.

Thus I began focusing on myself, what I wanted, and what direction I wanted my life to go. I no longer took shit from people. In the past, when a girl didn't like me I immediately became consumed as to "what was wrong with me."

I began making changes to my personality so I could better fit an image that I really didn't want any part of. The most important thing your site gave me was evidence that only by being myself could I achieve what I wanted.

I know that from a young age we're always told to "be yourself" but what does that mean? Your site gave me a first hand account of what being yourself was all about. You are successful not because you try to mold yourself into what you think others might like but because you do things your way.

Now if a girl flakes on me or doesn't show interest I just say fuck it and move on.

In school, I was previously hesitant when called on. Hesitant might be an understatement (I took medication for anxiety). Now, I am no longer scared what others might think of my opinion.

I'm about to graduate from university and I was going to pursue an MA because that's what my parents wanted. However, at 22, I plan to pursue my dreams of being a writer. Although the job I'm about to take on is low paying, low appreciation for a small business I am at least happy knowing it is something I love doing.

Thank you for helping me turn my life around. You, moreso than any other person are responsible for this and for that I thank you. I now like the person and am and the individual I'm becoming.

I write you this email only because I don't want you to underestimate how much you and your site truly help people.

I am truly indebted."

#2:
From: Brad
To: tuckermax@gmail.com
Date: Jan 27, 2006 1:36 PM
Subject: Thanks to my mentor...please respond

Hello Tucker,

the name is Brad and I'm the author of the infamous break-up email you probably got forwarded to you about 2 months ago. In case it has slipped your memory here is Snopes open investigation into the email's origins...

http://www.snopes.com/embarrass/email/breakup.asp

Even though I know its been sent around the world and back and I now have fans in every corner of the earth for disgraing that little harlot, I'd like to formally give credit to you for being my inspiration. Before discovering Tuckermax.com I was sure that my viscious tongue and rapier wit were characteristics to be considered an opprobrium more than a beacon of pride.

Thanks to your blog, I now let the witticisms pour from my mouth like the stomach contents from a lactose-intolerant third grader's ass who just polished off his second super-sized Snickers McFlurry. Result? I get laid more, I have more friends, and my self-image has shot through the roof. After all, how could you not feel like king of the world knowing you have the ability to spread Bulemia to any woman who sports muffin top hips just by opening your mouth?

Anyways Tucker, I just wanted to thank the master.

regards, Brad"

#3:
From: [redacted]
To: tuckermax@gmail.com
Date: Jan 27, 2006 1:47 AM
Subject: You and your website probably saved my life

All of my life self-doubt has plagued me. When I was a kid it wasn't so bad. A lot of kids didn't like me, but a few did, and my mom showered me with so much attention that the kids who didn't like me didn't seem to matter. By the time I was twelve I even had a group of friends who I really liked. That didn't have to end, but it did anyway.

In the biggest mistake of my life I decided to transfer to a new school. I don't remember saying this, but my mom has told me that the first thing I said to her after the first day of my new school was, "Those are the stupidest people I've ever met. All they talked about was cars and clothes."

Almost immediately I was ostracized. I had been spoiled my whole life up until then, and I did not have the skills to cope with these moronic shitheads. I was bullied mercilessly for two years, until I finally gave up and quit the school.

Being bullied may not seem like a big deal to you, but it was an inestimably big deal to me. I was a young boy with a weak sense of self, an unhealthy need for attention, poor social skills, and nagging self-doubt to begin with, and the nonstop harassment broke something inside of me. I honestly cannot put into words how lost, sad, and confused I was. I was able to function with varying degrees of success, but I was a shell of a person for about five years after that. In one way or another the pain from that experience has been with me to the present day. Only now, by writing about it, have I gained catharsis.

About a year ago I found your website. I thought you were incredibly cool, and so, in quite an unconscious decision on my part, I set out to study you. I wanted to find out what you had that I didn't, and I wanted to use that knowledge to change myself for the better. I lurked on your message board, poring over your advice guides and analyzing your stories and conversations. It has been a long road, but so far it has been worth it. You have given me my future profession (evolutionary biology), and tonight your messageboard has given me a staggering psychological breakthrough.

Tonight I read the Hawaii series in the Submitted Stories form. I AM the protagonist. The self-doubt, the emptiness, the detachment from reality, the intense social discomfort and alienation, the rampant deceit. All of these things describe me to a T. At times my inner monologue even sounds the same, with an eerily similar diction and tone.

Those stories should have depressed me, but in describing the protagonist's longing for a better life the author gave me the insights I needed to break out of my own mental prison. Before now I had only half-understood your advice, but now it all seems to make sense. I think I really get it now. This is MY life. My life is composed of MY choices. I will NOT conform to a social role, and engage in all of the attendant deception and self-deception, just because it secures a comfortable and familiar predestined outcome. I will remain ever-present of the motivation behind my desires and behaviors. I will endlessly work on growing as a person until I am at last at the point where my understanding of myself and the world is complete.

I wanted to tell you all of this and I wanted to thank you. I believe that you are, hands down, the most intelligent, understanding, and decent human being I have ever heard of, and it is a privilege to have been given the opportunity to glimpse into your soul.

Dan

P.S. This is the first time I have told anyone about these things. For god's sake, until tonight, I didn't even have the courage to admit my past to MYSELF. I have poured my heart out to you, and I need an acknowledgement of some of some kind, no matter how big or small. I strongly believe that you would reply to this email if you saw it, so if you don't reply, I will always assume that you just didn't notice it among the other emails in your inbox.

#4:
From: [redacted]
To: tuckermax@gmail.com
Date: Jan 26, 2006 5:41 PM
Subject: How Tucker Max saved my family (Twice!!!)

I will make this short because I am sure you are very busy. This is a thank you e-mail because your website has literally saved my family two times.

My big Brother Tom (24) was your typical high school jock. He did ok in school but not great and had two years of junior college experience. He was doing just fine working at a good job, he was selling motor homes.

That was until he had a stroke. When he woke up in the hospital he could not speak, read, or walk, he had to re-learn all of these thing. Speaking and walking came easy for him, but when he tried to re-learn reading he got really bored with all the childrens books. It had been almost a year and he was still reading at a 1rst grade level.

The place where he worked kept him on but because they needed someone who could read they demoted him, to washing the motor homes until he could read again. He made a lot less money and had to move back home. Then I showed him your site. Literally within three months of reading tuckermax stories he is as good at reading as he ever was. (Probably only 8th grade level, but who gives a fuck), he is taking on "I Hope They Serve Beer in Hell" right now. I'll have to get my own copy because it will still take him a couple months to finish it and I don't want to wait.

The second time Tucker Max saved my family was my little brother Spencer (16). He likes to go out and party a lot. He comes back really late at night or not at all. This is something my parents were not cool with because he is still in high school.

They fought so much that it was looking like my little brother was going to have to move out and live with friends. That was until I showed my parents your site. They loved it too and thought it was hilarious.

My little brother confronted them and was like, why are you so pissed off at me when that kind of stuff (Tucker Max Stuff) is what I am trying to go out and do. My parents though about it and said "Well we were worried about you doing bad stuff, like getting into gangs or stuff like that". When my brother explained that he just wanted to get drunk and try to get himself some sex, they were totally fine with that (kind of).

Now when my little brother comes home for dinner he tells our whole family what he did last night (In his best Tucker Max impersonation), and my parents love to hear about it...most of the time.

So thank you so much TUCKER MAX. You saved my family twice. Seriously Tucker, put your shit in a can and sell it on EBAY, I will be the guy who buys it.

#5:
From: [redacted]
To: tuckermax@gmail.com
Date: Jan 30, 2007 7:13 PM
Subject: Thank you, this is one LIFE YOU SAVED. How Tucker Max saved me from Heroin.

Dear Tucker Max,

You saved my life. First of all I want you to know that I'm
only 18, yes I know I'm still a fucking kid who barely knows how to find his
own ass without help. Yes, I know I still haven't even started life and my
golden years are yet to come. But it's all thanks to you that I now know.
I'd also like to say thanks if you haven't deleted the e-mail by this point.

This is how you saved my life...ahem...

I was the fucked up nerdy kid all my life. I had the
alcoholic mother and absent father, recipe for success. I studied, got
straight A's and masturbated myself to sleep. Girls showed no interest save
for the typical girl next door. She was always there for me and was FUCKING
HOT. Being the puberty infested boy I was, love was inevitable. We planned
to have sex, watched cartoons, the whole nine yards. Then I told her I loved
her, I should've just taken a shit on her dog and raped her mother with a
candlestick. As a man with your knowledge may know that's the worst thing I
could've ever told her. Anyways, the insecure romantic that I was I fell
into a crazy depression. She was the only column holding up my already
fucked up foundation. Anyways I did what all heartbroken teens do, I did
everything possible to get her back. We both know how that ends. With shit
getting even worse at my house and nobody to lean on I fell into vicious
drug habit. You may be thinking I'm a fag or wimp for resorting to drugs,
and I totally agree. I now know that no person is worth throwing away my
life, thank you Tucker.

I started occasionaly using heroin, whenever the loneliness was to great or
I just couldn't handle what was going on. This quickly escalated into an
addiction. Sneaking out of classes to shoot up in the bathroom, I nodded off
half the day and cooked up the other. My grades plummited and I was failing
almost every class, my college counselor told me that if I kept this up it
was Community College for me. I didn't give a shit, my life was great, I
didn't need anything, except another hit. One of those times I cooked up a
big shot, I knew it was too big the second I made it, but I didn't care. I
had the belt around my arm and needle in my mouth, I knew it was too much.
As the needle touched my vein I knew it was too much, but I did it. The hit
was so powerful, I felt needles in the back of my head before I even
finished pumping the heroin in.

I dropped the needle and looked in the mirror. I saw the color and life
drain from my face, my eyes were just pupils. The needles now felt like bugs
squirming up and down my head. I opened the door as fast as I could and
stumbled my way over to the living room. My sister's husband saw me, he knew
what was happening. He told me to drink some juice, I couldn't. The
dizziness, my FUCKING HEAD, it's so cold, all I need to do is sit down. Sit
down and close my eyes and it'll be over soon, that's all I need to do. I
took a seat next to him and rested my head on my hand. I did too much, that
was my last thought. All I felt was shaking, I could hear people screaming
but I really couldn't see much. Everyting seemed to be zooming out except
these two shadows that kept on prodding me and asking questions.

I heard the siren, I knew where I was. I'd be lying if I told you I remember
more, just pain. I woke up the next day with my lungs nearly drowning in
fluid, my body hurt so much, just staying awake hurt so much. I was on a
respirator and if things couldn't get any worse a nurse came in and gave a
pain a new name, "catheter". I'd doze in and out, I felt exactly like Neo
when he first felt the real world. Soon withdrawal kicked in and breathing
still hadn't stabilized. The pain was too much. It seemed to come from the
inside of my very bones, I felt like this shit would never end. They put me
on a morphine drip until my breathing stabilized and then I was shipped back
to hell. I was left in a lifeless room, nothing but me and my pain. I'd
vomit so hard my eyes were constantly bloodshot, I couldn't sleep and all I
wanted was some rest. After what seemed like years withdrawal was over.
Depression kicked in and I was expecting to get another hit once I was
released. But then I came across your book. My mom dropped it off one day
with some magazines and the newspaper. Prior to IHTSBIH, I was never a big
reader, but after your first story I was hooked.

I must've read your book like 10 times in rehab. I was constantly laughing
and the nurses said they'd never seen such a happy OD/Rehab patient before.
Your book was so much more than a good laugh and time killer, it altered my
course of life. Most people just think Tucker Max is just about drinking and
debauchery, but you taught me so much more. You are the definition of Grab
Life by the Horns. You taught me that no one controls my life except me,
life goes on, there will always be someone better out there. But even
better, you taught me to be me. I swore to myself the second I got out of
rehab I was going to get smashed and do something Tucker Max. I got drunk
with my friends and failed miserably with a group of girls. But when I woke
up that morning I had never been happier, I did something I would have never
done before. I imitated you as much as possible, and it started to work. I
got rid of my glasses, mushroom haircut and started working out. I started
to meet and date new girls on a regular basis, my grades went up and I
learned an amazing lesson. I am not Tucker Max, I am me.

By imitating you I slowly began to discover myself. I know that that process
is NOWHERE NEAR completion at the age of 18, but I'm getting there. I've met
girls that were as great or greater then the original girl I fucked my life
over for and realize that there are still plenty more. No one relationship
will ever ruin me again. I'm now, hopefully, going to a respectable college
in the fall, spend most of my free time reading and have had more luck with
women then I've ever had (Once every week or two -that's alot for me (and
Costa Rica, that's where I live, originally from Connecticut though)). And I
have no one else to thank for it but you. I have been off heroin for about a
year and I can think of no one else to thank but you. If it weren't for your
book I would've spiraled down the drug road and probably would have AIDS by
now.

I cannot even begin to express how thankful I am. I'm going to live a real
life thanks to you, you showed me that I'm in control of my life and I CAN
be what I want. You saved the world from another AIDS junkie and gave it
another alcoholic college student. If two words can ever express how much
you did for me, let these be them THANK YOU. I know you're really busy but
it'd mean alot to me if you'd respond, just to know you read my e-mail
nothing else.

You are a hero and a lifesaver. Sincerely,

[redacted]"

ONE LAST NOTE: By doing this, I am NOT trying to create an ex-post justification of my work. I never wrote my pieces with any intention other than the most obvious ones: I wanted to write about my life. I never set out to affect anyone's life and I can only take credit for these things in an indirect way, but it is still there.