I get a lot of weird email/messages/correspondence, but this one truly made me lose it:

"This Coors Light Cooler Box sucks! This fucking piece of shit just broke all over my couch while I was trolling this site and watching the Pistons beating the shit out of the Pacers. Now I have swimmers dick from sitting on a cold towel. Does anyone else have problems with it? Did I get a lemon? Because I like the idea of a disposable cooler that comes with shitty beer on the cheap."

I cannot stop laughing at this. I am sitting in my living room with my two roommates, who have known me for ten years, staring at me because I am laughing as hard as they have ever seen me laugh. There is so much comedy here:

1. Why does the dude have a cooler in his living room? Why not just use the fridge? Where does he live that he has to walk that far the fridge? Does he not have a fridge? Does he not have electricity? What the fuck?

2. Why is the cooler ON his sofa? Why not on the floor?

3. Is it that hard to just buy a normal cooler? The styrofoam ones are like $3.

4. Why does he keep sitting on the wet spot? Why not move? Does he not have any other furniture? Is he just THAT determined to stay in that one spot, regardless of the consequences to his balls?

5. Why is the whole sofa wet? Did it bust open like a New Orleans levee, immediately flooding the sofa, or was this a slow process? How did it soak through the sofa without him feeling it until the entire thing was drenched? How do you not notice a wet sofa?

6. Can you picture his reaction when it broke on his lap? Jumping up and screaming curse words, cold water spilling everywhere, screaming about how cheap the cooler is that CAME WITH THE BEER! Priceless.

7. Seriously, how is this a shock? How does it come as some absurd and unreal shock to him that this PLASTIC LINED CARDBOARD cooler that CAME WITH THE BEER is going to be sub par?

8. I love how he throws in that thing about wanting this to be real, "Did I get a lemon?" Does he have such high hopes pinned on this product that he is willing to give it another shot? Yes sir, you did a lemon. Most of their cardboard-plasticoat fabricated beer boxes are built like brick shit-houses. In fact, in South America they pack 'em full of dry ice and transport organs in them.

9. So what happens if it is a lemon? His faith in the consumer products of crappy beer companies is shot? He becomes a jaded Heineken drinker? It's this same mentality that causes people to get their hearts broken by sea monkeys when they're kids, and the Carleton Sheets real estate course when they're adults. "THESE SEA MONKEYS LOOK LIKE BRINE SHRIMP!!! HOLY SHIT!!! SOMEONE SWITCHED THE REAL SEA MONKEYS WITH BRINE SHRIMP!!!".

10. I mean, come on...look at the level of discourse this guy is at. I don't know, I guess when you grow up with these rednecks, this shit is just that much funnier. I mean, the seriousness with which he approaches this subject kills me.

11. Who drinks Coors voluntarily?