Basic Personal Information:
Height: 6'0"
Weight: 185 lbs
Current Residence: Hollywood, CA
High School: Blair Academy, '95
College: The University of Chicago (BA '98). Can you believe the irony? The school where fun goes to die produced one of the premier partiers of this generation. And I still graduated in three years, with highest honors.
Graduate School: Duke Law School (JD, '01). Duke even gave me an academic scholarship. Fate, it seems, has a sense of humor.


Frequently Asked Questions:
When is your next book, Assholes Finish First, coming out?
As of right now, the anticipated release date is sometime in fall of 2009, probably (hopefully) November 2009. Sign-up here to get notified when it comes out.

When does your movie come out?
As of right now, the movie is most likely coming out in August or September 2009. This is a very tentative release date, so please don't write this in stone, it could change. We should know by March of 2009 when the release date will be. For the most current up to date information, check out the movie's production blog at I Hope They Serve Beer In Hell, and especially the FAQ for the movie. Or sign-up to get notified when it comes out.

Will you sign my book for me?
Yes, instructions on getting a signed book are here.

Where can I buy Belligerence and Debauchery and The Definitive Book of Pick-Up Lines?
You can't. They are out of print, on purpose. I took B&D out of print because it was nothing more than reprints of stories already on my site. I took The Definitive Book of Pick-Up Lines out of print because it was fairly amateurish, and I didn't want my name on it without substantially improving it. I think you can get these used in some places, but I would NOT recommend buying either. B&D is all on my site, and the pick-up line book is kinda crappy. Just go buy I Hope They Serve Beer In Hell, it's awesome.

Is I Hope They Serve Beer In Hell just the same stories from your site?
No. IHTSBIH is 27 stories, 12 of which are brand new and cannot be found anywhere except the book (about 150 pages of the 277 page book is new). The new stuff isn't crappy stories either; several of the new ones rank up there with the best stuff I have ever written.

Is "Tucker Max" your real name?
Yes. It's my real birth name.

Are you really like this? Are your stories representative of who you really are?
Yes and no. The stories are true, but they are from over 10 years of partying; I am 32 now, and obviously I act differently than I did when I was 21. For example, when I was 24, right after I had done something horrible and didn't even really realize what I had done, my then girlfriend said to me, "Tucker, you'll be great when you're 30." I got mad at first, but then I realized she was absolutely correct; I may be awesome, but I had a lot of maturing to do. Of course, I still dumped her immediately. Who is she to talk to me like that? Another thing you have to remember is that this is only a slice of my life. There is much more to me than my stories, but I don't write much about that because no one cares about the time I went and nothing happened. I write to entertain through my stories, not to talk about my life. There is a difference.

What is your job? Do you work as a lawyer?
I am a best-selling author, which makes me a writer. I also wrote and produced a movie, which makes me a screenwriter and a movie producer. Of course I don't work as a lawyer, I don't hate myself.

If you aren't working as a lawyer, why did you get your JD?
I made a mistake going to law school. There was a time in my life that I thought I wanted to be a lawyer, but I was terribly mistaken. I didn't know that you had to give up your soul to work in that field.

Should I get my JD? What is your advice for someone thinking about going into law school?Do you want to waste three years of your life debating stupid and utterly irrelevant minutia? Then yes, get your JD. Do you want to get a degree that allows you work the rest of your life in a tedious, shitty, unrewarding job? Then yes, get your JD. Are you a boring, facile, socially retarded whore, desperate for the illusion of money and success, regardless of the cost to your life and the lives of those you love? Then yes, get your JD. Do you want to squander your existence sitting in a lifeless office, churning out ultimately meaningless paperwork? Then yes, get your JD. Listen to me people: There is a reason that lawyers have the LOWEST job satisfaction of any profession in America. THE JOB SUCKS. It is horrible.

Don't you think your page is very sexist/anti-women/misogynistic?
This always confuses me. For fucks sake, I originally put up a page dedicated to getting a date; how is that sexist? How in hell does that imply I hate women? I hate a lot of things, (stupid people and Duke basketball, for instance) but nowhere on that list is women. I LOVE women. Now, do I treat some women like shit? Yes, sometimes, but I treat EVERYONE like shit, not just women. Sexism is treating one sex differently from the other(s). I treat people as individuals.

Don't misunderstand, there are times when women just annoy the shit out of me. Of course, I am sure I annoy them also. It's part of the curse of having a high sexual dimorphism within a species: the differences cause friction. And let me be clear about this: I do not believe that women's studies is a legitimate academic discipline. Of course, I don't think many of the majors available are legitimate academic disciplines (see e.g. "Marxist studies," or "Recreation."). And I obviously believe that there are natural, inherent differences between the sexes, differences that go beyond the purely reproductive, and that examination of those differences is fertile ground for humor. If you are one of those who reject the idea of inborn differences between the sexes and claim that all differences are socially constructed, I can offer you nothing but a biology primer and my sympathies, because you are stupid.

Are you always "on"?
For some reason, people think that because almost every inch of my book is funny, I am funny all the time. That's just not the case. The stories are very funny slices of my life, edited so all the boring parts are removed. So to answer your question, no, I am not always "on." If you ever meet me, and expect me to be "on" all the time, you will be sorely disappointed.

How many girls have you slept with?
No idea. Only douchebags count.

How big is your member/penis/cock/dick?
Not big enough to brag about.

Have you named your member/penis/cock/dick?
Yes. And there is no way I am telling you his name, unless you are a hot female, and you want to get to know him better. In that case, I'll tell you anything you want to hear, including how much I love you, how you are different than all the other girls, and how we will be together forever, etc.

What is in the Tucker Max Death Mix and in what portions?
I used to get this question at least 3-4 times a week. It's exactly like I say in The UT Weekend story: 1 can of Red Bull, 1 quart of Gatorade (there is no other flavor besides lemon-lime), and 1 pint of Everclear. I think. I don't fucking remember--why don't you dorks just go out and make your own to your liking instead of worrying about following directions. It's fucking alcohol and mixers for chrissake, how could you screw it up?

Were you in a fraternity in college, and if so, which fraternity were you in?
I went to the University of Chicago. The fraternities there were, to put it kindly, a fucking joke. I still went to their parties, but I wasn't about to pay money to hang out with them. Had I gone somewhere like UVa or UT-Austin, I probably would have joined a frat.

Are you an alcoholic?
Alcoholism is highly underrated.

Hey asshole, you didn't answer my question. What do I do now?
Why don't you go outside and play hide-and-go-fuck-yourself? Or you could email me and ask it. Whichever better suits your needs.




Answering the lies, gossip and innuendo
This section is slightly different than the previous sections. Over the past few years, there has been a rise in the number of people who lie, slander and defame me on the internet (well, me and everyone else). This is not completely unexpected; success brings attention, and attention brings haters (especially on the internet). At the beginning, I mostly just ignored the haters, not only because they were idiotic trolls, but because their lies were so ridiculous I didn't even think I needed to respond to them.

That sort of strategy--not even dignifying the slander with a response--used to work when there were relatively few media outlets, because the trolls didn't have a way to reach people. The world is not like that anymore. Now the naysayers can make their voices heard, no matter how right or wrong they are. And because of linking and Google and anonymous messageboards, people can find their writing. There is no gatekeeper, no barrier for truth, no objective clearinghouse of information and thus no way for someone to find out the validity of the varying sources.

Because of this, the response strategy to negative gossip has to change: Instead of ignoring them, I think the best thing to do is bring the lies to light, then give the necessary information to answer them. The best example of this is what President Obama did during the election. Obama's campaign found that lies and smears can only exist where there is a vacuum of information about the real truth, and showed that if you have nothing to hide and are completely transparent with the truth, it will kill the power of lies and rumor. So I am going to stop ignoring the lies and half-truths and bullshit that is spread about me, and instead bring it to publicly answer all of it:

Are all these stories true? Do you exaggerate or change details in your stories to improve them? How do we know they are true?
Again, for the record: Yes, they are all true. I do not write fiction, and I do not make things up.

What confuses me about people who doubt the veracity of my stories is nothing about these stories seems that unbelievable to me. If you spent any part of your youth going out, getting drunk and hooking up, you had a ton of things like what I write about happen to you. Beyond that, unless I had done them, how would I ever think up these things? At the very least, the stories would have to be something very close to what happens, simply because I don't know how I would create or concoct what I write about. Remember--when I started writing this stuff it was 2002, and NO ONE gave a shit about it. So I made up stories in the attempt to invent a new genre? That idea is just kooky in the extreme.

Granted, these stories are not perfect forensic accounts of everything that happens to me all the time. They are my best recollections of events that usually occur when I am drunk, edited down to the best, most entertaining parts. My memory is pretty good, but it's not perfect. I might get details here and there wrong (and sometimes I have to intentionally change details to avoid jail), but the basic facts are all true. Shit, in just a simple conversation between you and I, there are three truths; mine, yours, and the real truth, and I do not dispute that these stories are only meant to be my truth and no one elses.

Part of the problem is that most of these stories aren't "provable" in the conventional sense, like you can prove who was President or you can prove who won the NBA title. The vast majority of the stories are simply me recounting nights out being drunk and hooking up that happen long before I wrote them. How am I supposed to prove I got drunk and had sex with a girl three years ago? But more importantly, I don't even know what's unbelievable about it. I truly don't even know how to respond to someone who thinks everything I write is bullshit. I mean, since I started the site and this became an issue, I have tons of pictures of various events up on my site, much of my life is public record, dozens of friends of mine who are in stories post on my messageboard, when people sue me about the stories, they don't dispute the truth of them and lose the cases, and I don't really do anything that's so remarkable that lots of other people don't also do it. What else can I do to prove my life?

OK, I can believe most of your stories, but what about [insert a story]? That one seems far-fetched.
This is the position of most of the doubters: They believe the general truth of most of my stories, but one specific one will set them off. The three stories that seem to get the most drawback are The Austin Roadtrip Story, The Buttsex Story and The Absinthe Donuts Story. Let's take them one by one:

The Austin Roadtrip Story: This one is easy. My law school friends were there with me, they have posted about it numerous times on my messageboard, and have met and discussed it with tons of different people. The only way this is fake is if I somehow convinced several other grown men to adhere to a long series of preposterous lies, for no other reason than I asked them to. If you want to believe that, then I am sure the 9/11 Truthers will be happy to have you as one of their own.

The Absinthe Donuts Story: There is nothing unbelievable in this story at all, except at the end, when I drive the car into a donut shop. I guess I can see why some people might not believe this, and I have to take some of the blame because of the way the story is written and the way the details were changed. This was written the day after it happened, and I thought I'd get in trouble--though not for smashing the store window. I thought I was going to jail for grand theft auto. I seriously thought the girl whose car it was would remember me, wouldn't find the car, and then I'd be answering questions from the CPD, so I changed a bunch of details. The problem is that the way it's phrased in the story, it seems like I just plowed the car into the shop, destroyed everything, and then took off. That's not quite the way it went down.

First off, it wasn't a donut shop, I changed that. It was chain that sells food that has a large glass window as the front--I just assumed making it a donut shop would imply that, but maybe not. Second, what happened was that the car jumped the curb and backed into the glass front window and smashed it. It didn't really go fully into the store--if I implied that, I was wrong. I then drove the car out of there and parked it and took a cab home (I didn't run, I changed that for locations sake). I guess the problem is that some people don't believe that could happen without a police report being filed, and I should provide that as evidence.

OK, if a police report existed, I would not fucking provide it because then I'd have to fucking take responsibility for the crime, pay for it, and good forbid be liable for jail time. Fuck that. But I don't think a police report was ever filed (I actually did check the police blotter because I was nervous about the car being reported stolen). Why not? I can only assume it wasn't because of a simple reason: Once I drove the car off, the only real damage was a smashed out front window to the store. It just looked like a simple act of vandalism, and nothing else. If you are the owner of a store and show up in the morning to a smashed front window--with no other damage and nothing missing inside--are you going to call the cops? To report what exactly? Vandalism? So would you call for spray paint too? Or someone smashing up your trash cans? That makes no sense, and that's not how store managers work. A theft would be reported yes, but a smashed front window is going to be responded to by calling a glass company, not the police.

[What's really funny about this is how ridiculous this is: The tempest in the teapot over this story exists because of the detail changes I made, when they are so fucking minor that had this been an issue with the cops, those small changes NEVER would have saved me. I don't know what my thought process was that changing the store name, the location, and shit like that would give me enough plausible deniability had their been serious enough damage to warrant a serious police investigation--when the basic facts are exactly the same and I wrote it right after it happened. Oh wait, I know what it was: I'm fucking stupid.]

The Buttsex Story: The fact is, there is no possible way to conclusively prove that the events I described happened. The story happened almost 15 years ago, before the internet or YouTube or cheap video cameras or anything like that. I don't have the video tape. I can't track down the guy who was in the closet (though I it would just be his word, no hard evidence). And I STILL have never found out what happened to the girl.

Plus, it never occurred to me to save the evidence--like I thought I would ever need it? Fuck that--I was afraid the girl was going to call the cops on me, the LAST thing I wanted at the time was evidence of me doing such a shitty thing.

At this point, either you can believe it or not. But here's how I see it: Yes, that story has no hard evidence, but considering that pretty much everything else I say turns out to be true, there are two things to believe: 1. I am lying about one story for some unknown reason, or 2. It's true, even though I can't "prove" it in the traditional sense.

How do you continually get into the ridiculous situations that you seem to always be getting into? I don't think people can do what you do.
Something to remember when reading what the trolls write about me--aside from the fact that most of them are anonymous crazies who are failures at life--is that most people cannot conceive of a reality outside their own experience. If they can't see themselves doing it, they can't believe anyone else can do it. So when some jealous anti-social loser reads my stuff, sometimes he will react in disbelief because he can't imagine himself interacting with people in a way that doesn't suck.

What makes me laugh about this is that I don't get into situations that are all that much crazier than those around me. My friends can go story for story with me; shit, a lot of them are way crazier than me. The only difference between me and any number of other people is that I am just the guy who wrote it all down. I think pretty much anyone who spends their late teens and early twenties going out drinking, hanging out with friends and hooking up has at least some stories like mine.

I mean, don't you know someone who is like me? Someone who seems to always be into something or doing something or just always has some sort of excitement or drama around them? Of course you do. And if not, then your life must be very boring, and I recommend you leave your nerdhole and go out and meet people in real life, not Second Life.

How do you do all this shit and not get into fights?
Who says I don't get into fights? Read the Night We Almost Died story. Remember, I don't write about every single thing that happens to me, only the stuff that is funny enough to be interesting to people who don't know me. Most fights aren't funny, they are just lame, especially bar fights.

How can you remember what happens to you when you are drinking?
I do have a voice recorder, and I use it liberally when I am out drinking. When I say something funny or I want to remember something, I'll talk into it and record the funny things I do or say, so that I can write about them later. Or I call my friends the next day and they fill me in or what I forgot. Or I just fucking remember it, it's not that hard.

Who doesn't remember the things that happen to them? I never understand this question, it's like someone asking me, "How do you keep your head attached to your body?"

And seriously--why did no one ask these stupid questions of Hunter S Thompson? Or Charles Bukowski? Those two did a SHIT LOAD more drugs and alcohol than I ever could, yet they can remember basic shit, but I can't? Look at Fear and Loathing. How he didn't die at 30 is a shock to me, forget remembering things.

You have to lie about how much you drink. No one can drink that much and not be a huge fatass and/or massive alcoholic.
First off, I don't ever talk about how much I drink, except to reference specific instances. And usually if I catalog my drinking, it's only to display how much I put down that particular time to give the story some sort of context. Beyond that, I think this pretty much falls under the "if someone can't see themselves doing it, they can't believe it being done" category. If you don't know people who drink and party a lot and still look good...then I just feel sorry for you. You live a sheltered life. And if you drink a lot can can't stop from being fat, you might want to try this thing called exercise. Works for lots of other people.

I heard you had a trust fund. I would be just as cool/famous/rich as you if I had a trust fund.
Shit, I WISH I had a fucking trust fund; I would love it if I had enough Fuck You Money to be able to finance my own projects. The last time my parents gave me money was in college. I got a scholarship to law school, took out loans to pay for my living expenses, and ran up massive credit card debt to fuel my adventures (that I still haven't paid off). When I first put up my site I lived off savings, then that ran out and I worked bullshit odd jobs to make enough money to live, and then once my site blew up and I put ads on it, now I make a pretty decent amount from that, and decent money from the book sales and other projects I have in the works. The best, hardest partying time I had in my life was when I was dead broke, and everything I have, I earned through hard work and smart decisions, and a little luck. If you think money is necessary to do anything I do, you are wrong.

How many STD's do you have? You MUST have a bunch.
This question always cracks me up. People, I am not going to get into a lecture about sexually transmitted diseases, but be careful who you believe. A lot of the info you find on this subject comes from sources with an agenda (e.g. religious groups, conservative abstinence groups, etc). To answer the question, NO, I do not have any STD's that I know of, and yes, I get tested regularly. It's actually pretty easy to avoid STD's if you just USE A FUCKING CONDOM. And tons of girls I fuck get tested after fucking me, and none has ever come up positive for anything. Shit, my last girlfriend was a nurse, there is no way she was going to to have unprotected sex with me without me being clean.

What about your relationship with Bunny? Did she really write thing about what an awful boyfriend you are?
Yes, she did, and she wrote it when we were in the process of breaking up and she was very pissed off at me. Bunny and I have had a long and complicated relationship, but I think it can all be summed up by looking at where we are now: Best friends. I consider Bunny one of my best friends on earth, an incredibly important person to me, and vice versa. This is what she says about it:

"Tucker has some problems, obviously, and he can be a dick. He can be thoughtless, hyper-controlling and, at times, full-on cruel...Tucker can also be incredibly supportive. No one believes in me, motivates, or inspires me as much as he does, and that shit is priceless. Tell me how many people you've got like that in your life. If you say more than one, you're lying. People who go out into the world and attack it the way he does are really rare, and I'm lucky to have befriended one of them." All from here.

What happened to you on Opie and Anthony?
When I went on their show, they had never heard of me or read my book. I told a couple stories, and they didn't believe them--not because of any evidence one way or the other, just because they are shock jocks and calling bullshit is what they do. But not really, because calling bullshit normally means saying it to a persons face. Instead of doing that, they cut my earphones and said shit about me that I couldn't hear. Even though I was in their studio, and their huge bodyguard was in the room, they were still too cowardly to call me a liar to my face. Everything negative they said was when my earphones were cut, and everything they did, like tearing up my book, was after I left. I knew they were being dipshits when I was there, but I had no idea they were calling me a liar until I left the studio and saw the video. I know that's what shock jocks do, but still--when Howard Stern talks shit about someone, he does it to the persons face. I don't know why O&A are too cowardly to do what Stern does, but whatever. That's their issue, not mine.

I heard you beat some girl up/hit some dude/did something violent to someone?
There are so many of these types of rumors out there, I can't address them specifically, so let me cover them all at once: A rumor is a statement that is unsubstantiated by a fact. Generally, it's because it's not true. Don't you think if I had actually assaulted someone--anyone--I would have been arrested and/or charged? Considering that hasn't happened, then that should pretty much answer all those rumors.

EVERYTHING TUCKER SAYS IS A LIE!!! HERE IS PROOF: [insert insane, illogical, evidence-free rant here]
I have tried to hit the major ones, but I can't answer every lie or half-truth piece of bullshit everyone on the internet writes about me; most of them are so ridiculous they are laughable, and others aren't even answerable other than to deny them because they are just completely fabricated.

Whenever you see some ridiculous claim on the internet about me, just ask yourself, "Who is the person writing this? Why are they spending time on this? What motivation do they have? Do they seem even the least bit plausible or credible? What evidence do THEY offer about the claims they are making"? 95% of the attacks on me are either transparently ridiculous or intentionally misconstrued to suit some psychological need of the person posting it. And I have NEVER seen one that offered a shred of proof of its own, aside from bald, unsupported assertions and incorrect assumptions. Disturbed people are all over the internet, and irrational hating is just part of who they are. Normal, healthy, successful people don't spend hours hating on other people in comments sections of random sites. They live their own lives.

Make no mistake about it: Normal people can dislike me without being a liar or crazy. That's the thing that confuses me the most; not only are the lies about me stupid, you don't need to believe them to dislike me. If you want to hate me for a legit reason, I give you plenty in the opening paragraph of the site:

"My name is Tucker Max, and I am an asshole. I get excessively drunk at inappropriate times, disregard social norms, indulge every whim, ignore the consequences of my actions, mock idiots and posers, sleep with more women than is safe or reasonable, and just generally act like a raging dickhead."

The fact that these crazies have to make shit up about me says more about them than about me. Well, it does say one thing about me. It says that I am important enough for them to spend their time hating me, which I have to admit, I kinda like. Attention--even negative attention--is most important currency in the entertainment business. For that, I have to thank the haters.