When I was a kid, my mother was a flight attendant for Pan Am, and as a result, I spent many hours of my childhood riding on planes.

One time, when I was about 3 or 4 or so, my mother and I were flying somewhere, except this time we were both passengers. I was sitting on her lap, because I was still at the age (and size) where it was cute and convenient to do that. About midway through the flight, I had to take a shit.

Even at this young age I thought that I was king of the world, and completely independent, especially considering that I had just learned how to use the bathroom myself. So flush with my newfound potty training skills, I told my mom I could go to the bathroom by myself. I walked down the aisle, opened the door, and got on the throne.

When I was finished, I realized that I couldn't perform one of the essential functions of bathroom duty, so I opened the door, and yelled out across the plane
"MOM! COME WIPE MY BUTT!"

A smattering of nervous laughter broke out across the plane, and my poor, horribly embarrassed mother had to get up from her 6th row seat, and walk all the way to the back of the plane and tend to my request.

And some people wonder why my mother and I have a strained relationship.

Posted by at 12:34 AM

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