I said I wouldn't do it. I swore oaths to gods I didn't believe in. I made ridiculous bets against it, taking any odds. I promised to self-immolate if it happened...and now it's a reality.

I am permanently moving to Los Angeles.

I don't want to do it. I hate everything about LA except the weather. But at this point, I have to. There is no way around it. I have too many projects going here that require my presence. [No, I can't tell you about any of them yet, so don't ask. As soon as I can say something, I will. But trust me, I would NOT live here unless there was a real good reason.]

I move into my own place on June 1st, but I am already here and will be here until then. I am not even going back to NYC to pack, I am just shipping everything out to me.

To all LA people (or anyone familiar with the area):
What should I know? I DO NOT need job or Hollywood advice, and I know the neighborhood I want to live in, I am more looking for these things:

1. Good places to eat. Don't get me wrong, I love In-N-Out, Zankou's, and Roscoe's, but I feel like there has to be more to LA cuisine than those three.

2. Cool places to hang out. As far as I can tell, this is the worst drinking city in America. There are almost no real bars, I guess because no one drinks. Everyone just does pills or blow. It sucks. Coked out Laguna Beach wanna-be whores may look cool on MTV, but trust me, when they talk to you in person, you want to inflict spinal injuries on them.

3. Anything else I should know. There is always a bevy of local knowledge about every city that you can only learn by living there. I have been in LA enough to know some of it, but I feel like this place HAS to have more to it than what I am seeing, because what I am seeing SUCKS.

[And I give blanket permission to everyone: If you ever see me in a shiny shirt at Hyde hanging out with Brody Jenner and Joe Francis, please kick my ass. I have mocked those guys for years, and I'd rather cut off my nuts with safety scissors than become one of them. If I fall victim to the LA bullshit, I deserve to have my ass kicked.]

Posted by Tucker Max at 2:32 AM

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