If you have been paying any attention at all to popular culture for the past decade, I am sure you know who Michael Ian Black is. If the name doesn't ring a bell, you almost certainly recognize his face, he is the only commentator on all those VH1 flashback shows who is actually funny, instead of just annoying.

Anyway, Michael has a new book out, and as a way to publicize it, he has challenged me to a fistfight. Here is what he said:

So Tucker Max, you drunk, misogynistic motherfucker - I am officially calling you OUT! I am going to fist fuck every hole in your boozy little body until you crawl away like the sniveling little bitch that you are. YOU'RE DEAD!

You can read the rest on his blog.

Michael, I have no problem helping you get the word out about your book (which I haven't read but hear is pretty funny). But there is price to pay for trying to publicize it on the back of my popularity:

I accept.

I'm completely serious. I'd LOVE to fight you.

I'll even promise to show up drunk as shit. I'll drink an unreasonable amount of alcohol before we fight--20 beers, 30 beers, whatever it takes to me plastered. And if you don't think I'm drunk enough, I'll keep drinking. As long as I am conscious and able to stand on my feet, I'll fight you.

And here's the kicker:

If you beat me, I'll give you the next royalty check from my book.

It should be about 150k, give or take agent fees and other things. I am completely serious.

We don't even have to make this a bet. You win, you get the money. I win, I get nothing (except the satisfaction of standing over your broken, bleeding body and drunkenly yelling at you, "GET UP YOU FUCKING PUSSY! GET UP AND FIGHT!," or something to that effect, since I'll be drunk I can't quite predict what my words will be, or that they will even be enunciated or understandable).

Email me and let's set the time and place: tuckermax@gmail.com

And just to be clear: This isn't personal. I think you are a funny comedian, and I really respect your work. I'd much rather kick the shit out of someone who deserves it, like Benji Madden or Brody Jenner. To that effect, I promise when I kick your ass, I'll do my best not to leave any permanent damage.

Comment and discuss

Posted by Tucker Max at 7:19 PM

Print Friendly · Digg it · del.icio.us · StumbleUpon · Netscape